Bad in Bed
Beds are important in romances. This is particularly true of sexy romances, where getting someone into bed is a euphemism for having sex. Certainly beds are a lot more comfortable for intimate activities than prickly bushes or sandy beaches or swinging from chandeliers. (That last must require the skills of an acrobat!)
Even in sweet romances, sharing a bed is a symbol of marriage and partnership. All true and important. But what happens when the excitement is over and actual sleeping is attempted?
Sharing a bed can be very complicated. Partners who snore or who flop around like a fish on a hook can lead to sleeplessness and ruin your next day. That can lead to separate bedrooms no matter how fond people are of each other.
These thoughts were inspired by talking with a friend who was shocked when her husband of twenty years suggested they get a king size bed. She's wanted that for YEARS, but her husband objected because she'd be too far away. (There is truth to that--when we first acquired a king size bed I felt like I was crawling across the plains of Central Asia to find my favorite foot warmer. Speaking of favorite bed warmers, I recall a quote from Angela Lansbury where she said she spent a winter in Britain and it was so cold she had to get married. Makes perfect sense to me. <G>)
After years of resistance, my friend's husband thought it was time for a larger bed, and his decision was undoubted influenced by the fact that they have two small children and two dogs. The children don't usually join them (though the younger can sneak in quieter than a mouse), but the dogs consider the bed mutual property. The alpha girl dog sleeps smack between them. Husband recently tried to assert his authority as the man of the house, but the dog won. <G>
The same can be true of cats, though they take up much less space. We've had up to four cats at a time on the bed, and they all have their own requirements and preferred locations. Sleep specialists say not to sleep with pets. This is utter nonsense, of course. Pets are members of the family and some of them even purr.
There are multitudes of bed conflicts. Sharing a bed with a blanket hog can be very annoying, especially on cold nights. Staying at B&Bs in the UK can mean being afflicted with small, slippery duvets the same dimensions as the top of the mattress. The duvet is guaranteed to slide over the edge of the bed during the night, so the occupants must grope around on the floor to find it. And when the duvet returns, it may well dive over the OTHER side of the bed!
Other common incompatibilities:
One person wants a soft mattress, the other wants a very firm one.
One person is too hot and the other is too cold.
One person is a night owl and the other is a (shudder) cheery lark of the morning.
Do you sleep in a tight little ball or are you a sprawler? Probably most people do both sometimes, which suggests that a large bed is required, especially if two people want to sprawl at the same time.
Some people just plain don't like sharing a bed. This isn't actually illegal so they're entitled to their preferences. <G>
Modern technology has fixed the bed firmness issue because now there are mattresses with different densities or degrees of inflation. The hot/cold problem can be fixed with an electric blanket with dual controls.
Owls and larks have a more challenging issue since circadian rhythms, our personal cycles of sleep and wakefulness, tend to be hardwired into us.
Luckily, most problems can be solved if two people love each other, are adaptable, and really enjoy sharing a bed. Earplugs can help with snorers, having a king bed can put more distance from restless sleepers, and Owls and Larks can learn to slip into or out of beds very quietly.
The effort is worth it because sharing a bed with a really compatible person can be one of life's great pleasures. Compatibility isn't just about fixing a partner's annoying sleep habits, but also if there is a good energy flow. In other words, do you relax and feel well around your sleeping partner? If so, you've won the bedmate lottery!
What are your thoughts about sharing a bed with another being? I'm including pets in this!
Mary Jo