Christina here. Something I was doing recently made me think about the phrase ‘acting your age’ and I realised I don’t like it. Not one bit. Why should we have to act in a certain way just because we happen to have lived a particular number of years? Isn’t it up to us how we act? And age is just a number anyway – on the inside, I’m pretty sure we are all still much younger than our outside would suggest. Do we really need to lose that youthful enthusiasm entirely just because society’s norms dictate that it should be so?
My mother is both my biggest fan and my fiercest critic, and she strongly objects to some of my choices. Silly things, like me wearing ripped jeans for example – she thinks I’m too old for that and told me that “old ladies don’t wear clothes with holes in them”. First of all, why not if the holes are meant to be there? And secondly, for the record I’m no spring chicken but I’m not THAT old either! Besides, ripped jeans are the fashion so I resent not being allowed to wear them if I want to. I happen to like that look and if others can, so can I.
To me it’s the principle of the thing – we should each be able to make our own choices without being judged. And at what point do we get too old for things? Is there a list somewhere that details that at exactly a certain age a woman (or man for that matter) can’t wear ripped jeans, has to let her hair go grey, act decorously and not laugh too loudly in public? (Yes, my children occasionally think I’m too loud when we’re out together … sigh, my family has so many opinions!).
Why is society still so judgemental? It feels like a throw-back to the past when women had to give up their jobs because they got married and they had to start acting a certain way. It was all a façade, living up to other people’s standards and expectations. There must have been so many frustrated women back then! And there still are.
People who don’t “act their age” are often considered eccentric or abnormal in some way. But isn’t it human nature that we are all different? To me, so called eccentric people are fun and I love spending time with them. They are interesting! I’ve been called “weird” and told that I have a “unique” style of dressing – I take it as a compliment. When I grew up my friends and I were terrified of wearing anything that wasn’t in fashion or exactly the same as what everyone else wore. Thinking back, that seems ridiculous and now I wear what suits me and what I like. I dress for myself, not other people. Sure, I take into account where I’m going and what I’m doing – if formal wear is required, I’ll go with that, but in a style of my choosing. The point is, I no longer mind standing out and I’m not afraid of not looking exactly like everyone else.
Then there are the terms ‘silver fox’ and, occasionally, ‘silver vixen’ – I don’t like the sound of that either. It’s as if the people described thus are attractive DESPITE their age, as if they are some sort of phenomenon. Attraction is comprised of so many things and looks is just one of them. Chemistry is something we can’t easily define and it can happen between two people no matter what they look like. To me ‘silver fox’ is almost derogatory in some way although I know others don’t mean that.
With regard to heroines in books – the quirkier/sassier/unusual/eccentric they are, the more I like them. It makes them so much more interesting to me. I’ve always wanted to be the kind of woman who can reply with a really good come-back at any given moment, although sadly I’m not (which is probably why I’m a writer – I have time to think up good retorts). The sort of witty repartee that ensues when a heroine gives as good as she gets with a hero is magical; it makes the chemistry sizzle between them which is just as it should be. Having heroines who are “the girl next door” types is fine, but there still has to be something about them that is unusual in order for them to stand out to the hero, right?
This also got me thinking about older heroines. I never used to consider this much as almost all the heroines were young in the romance books I read and that was just the way it was. Mostly we equate falling in love with being young or young-ish, but these days that’s not true any more. Lots of people divorce and go on to find love a second, third or fourth time, and it can occur at any age. Love is not the prerogative of the young, it can happen to any of us.
The first time I read a story with a heroine in her late thirties was Katie Fforde’s Wild Designs and it was an absolute revelation – I loved it! Not only was the woman 38 (almost 39), but she didn’t have a perfect figure and flawless face either. She was ordinary and extremely likeable, but quirky. In short, she was someone I could really relate to and it made the book extra enjoyable.
A few years later a publisher started up here in the UK which specifically asked for stories with older women as the main protagonist and I briefly contemplated writing something for them. I never came up with the right story, but I did buy a lot of the books they published. These more mature heroines brought a different perspective to the stories, and at the time I was almost of an age with them so I could definitely relate to their problems and experiences.
I read all sorts of books, from teenage romance to generational stories like Winter Solstice by Rosamund Pilcher, and I like the variety of heroines this brings. They all deserve to find love – well, we all do! – in their various ways. But inside my head I will never be older than 35 (some would say I got stuck at 18!) although I’m having a birthday this week with a much higher number, so I do prefer to read about younger heroines who still have their entire life in front of them. Perhaps because I don’t and it’s fun to be in their shoes, living vicariously if only for a while, with endless possibilities on the horizon.
That doesn’t mean I’m going to stop living my own life the way I want – in fact, telling me not to wear ripped jeans just makes me want to be contrary and buy another pair. Childish? Maybe, but like a red rag to a bull. And if I look ridiculous, so be it – I’m being true to myself and making my own choices. I fully intend to be like the lady in the poem “Warning” by Jenny Joseph – wearing purple and acting outrageously, just because I can. (Full poem here)
What about you? Do you always “act your age” or do you rebel, even if in a small way? And what sort of heroines appeal to you most – young, mature or all of them depending on your mood?