True Friends

Many people will walk in and out of your life but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart. Eleanor Roosevelt

Me and my BFF

We all need friends and there has seldom been a time when we’ve needed them more than we do right now. The pandemic has really shown us the value of true friends – mine have definitely kept me sane throughout the lockdown and without them it would have been easy to sink into lethargy and depression. With the days blurring into one another (my husband has taken to calling every day “Blursday”!), having a weekly FaceTime chat or Zoom meeting to focus on has helped me to stay motivated. After all, when your friends ask you what you’ve been doing, you don’t want to just say ‘vegging out’! And emails from lovely friends lift the spirits no end, not least when you hear that they are safe and well and you can breathe a sigh of relief.

I’m thinking about this today especially because it happens to be the birthday of my very oldest friend – happy birthday G! – not in the sense of her age but the length of time we have known each other. And it’s made me reflect on the huge importance of the kind of friends you can really be yourself with and who probably know you better than you know yourself. Those are truly special.

Friendship is when people know all about you but like you anyway. Unknown

My BFF and I met when we were five years old. I lived in a small town in Sweden, and during the winter the council used to pour water onto the local football pitch in order to make an impromptu ice rink. All the neighbourhood kids went there and as it was only one block from my home, so did I. At first, I think my mother took me, but later I was allowed to go by myself. I would just put protectors on my skates and slither along the snowy sidewalk until I got there.

Photo: Sarah Richter pixabay.com

One day we noticed a little girl standing by the side of the ice, hanging onto her mother’s hand and virtually hiding behind her. She had dark hair and the biggest brown eyes I’d ever seen – she was adorable, although of course things like that didn’t register much with me at the time. I’m not sure how it happened, but my mother must have talked to hers and they encouraged us to start skating together. It probably took quite a lot of prompting from her mother as she was so shy, but it was the beginning of a beautiful and life-long friendship and I will never forget that day.

Later that year, we ended up in the same kindergarten and again, she was very shy, but I wasn’t and I took no prisoners. I was an incredibly bossy little girl (typical Leo!) and she was too nice so she let me get away with it. When we started primary school (which was withing walking distance), we walked together up the street every day – she picked me up as she lived furthest away, and we collected another friend a bit further on. That became the pattern for the next six years.

Free-Photos on Pixabay

My BFF tells me that she had to put up with a lot from me as, apparently, I always decided what we were going to play and how, but we laugh about it now and I don’t think she really minded. She was an only child and probably loved having someone to spend time with. At one point I tried to give her my little brother in exchange for her best doll, as I figured she needed him more than I did, but funnily enough my mother put a stop to that scheme. (Aren’t little brothers just so annoying? Well, I thought so at the time, but my friend liked him). I also drove her crazy by singing along – badly and loudly – to all the records we played. She is very grateful I’ve stopped doing that at least, as these days I recognise my limitations in that department!

Now my friend is a very determined and capable woman and no one bosses her around – in fact out of the two of us, I would say I’m probably more reticent. We spent many years apart when I moved abroad but we kept in touch throughout. Whenever we talk or meet up, it feels as though time has stood still – we are exactly the same people we’ve always been and just pick up where we left off. There is never any need for pretence or false politeness. We can be ourselves and we know all each others’ secrets so don’t hide anything. It is incredibly relaxing and I am so grateful I met her all those years ago!

Good friends are like stars - you don’t always see them but you know they’re always there. Unknown

Free-Photos on Pixabay

True friends don’t have to be of long standing, like my BFF, and I am extremely thankful for more recent ones who I have met through being part of the publishing world. The fact that we all share a passion for books and writing is incredibly bonding and make other authors and readers so easy to talk to and relate to. Some of them have become extremely important to me – like the lovely Wenches – and I am so glad I met them! Genealogy is another area where I’ve made some incredible friends (and found distant relations I never knew existed) – when I started the project of mapping out my family tree I thought I would just end up with a lot of names and dates on a family tree, but it has turned out so much better.

Perhaps the pandemic will have a silver lining by creating lots of new friendships? I keep hearing about lovely neighbours helping each other out, people starting walking groups just to get out of the house, online groups to combat the loneliness, and others chatting across hallways or balconies to someone they must have seen frequently, but never really had time to stop and talk to. Adversity definitely creates a bond and it would be great if something good came out of this situation.

I don’t know what I would have done without friends this past year (and more) – I hope there is someone very special in your life too, with whom you can really be yourself!

Do you have a best friend? When and where did you meet and what makes them special? Or have you made any great new friends because of the pandemic?

Comments

[Mary Jo Putney]

What a wonderful blog, Christina! Friendships is always precious, but never more than in difficult times. Congratulations to you and G for building such a long and lovely friendship--even though you were bossy. *G*

Love the friendship quotes you found, too!

[Christina Courtenay]

Thank you, Mary Jo, so glad you liked them! And yes, I was very lucky to find someone who put up with me bossing them around :-)

[Mary T]

My best friend died last December. The last year or so we only communicated by phone. Which was better than text or email as far as I was concerned.

I too enjoyed the quotes - especially the one by Eleanor Roosevelt. Nice post.

[Kareni]

I hope that memories of happy times spent with your friend bring you comfort, Mary T.

[Kareni]

What a lovely post, Christina!

I moved a great deal as a child, fifteen schools before I graduated from high school, so making friends was always important. When I went to college, one of my goals was to make friends to last a lifetime. Happily, I'm still in touch with some of those college friends almost forty years later.

[Christina Courtenay]

I’m so sorry to hear that Mary! As Kareni said, I hope you have lots of lovely memories!

[Christina Courtenay]

How wonderful Kareni! It must have been really tough to have to make new friends so often but I’m glad you found some friendships that lasted!

[Pamela DG]

My best friend and I met in college and she's the sister I never had. We had lost touch with each other for over 20 years when out of the blue she friended me on Facebook. It was as if that time never happened. After catching up we started gabbing about the thing we still share. So for the last three years we have been in constant contact, calls several times a week, posting the kind of things that make us laugh, and sharing our life long love of classic and historical mysteries. She introduced me to Jacqueline Winspear and I introduced her to Andrea Penrose. She is one of the best supportive sounding boards/ruthless editor when I need to walk myself out if a conundrum I had written myself into.

[Christina Courtenay]

That sounds perfect Pamela - definitely a true friend! I’m so glad you found each other again! No matter how much time has passed you would probably still have felt the same.

[Mary T]

They do indeed, Kareni. Thank you.

[Anne Gracie]

Lovely post, Christina, and what a lovely gift to G this post is.
Kareni, I, too moved a lot when I was a child — not as many schools as you had, but still it was quite difficult to make friends and then leave, over and over. But when I was 15 we moved to the city and I went to a school that I could continue going to even though we moved to the other side of the city, and there I made a bunch of friends. Two of them have been lifelong friends, and we've seen each other though so many events and life challenges and joys. And in the last 5 years, we've taken to meeting up with a handful of others from our class on an occasional basis for lunch, picnics, garden visits etc. and since the pandemic we email. It's a blessing, isn't it?

[Christina Courtenay]

Thank you Anne, I’m so glad you enjoyed it! And I love the sound of your group meeting up in so many ways, as well as keeping in touch via the internet right now. Hopefully soon we’ll be able to start seeing our friends properly again!

[Susan King]

What a lovely post, Pia, thank you for the reminder of how very important our closest friends are to us. I am fortunate to have more than one dear BFF, though my longest friendship goes back to the day I moved into the college dorm, when I met the dear friend who I still talk to nearly every week. We grew up as adults together, through decades of marriages, families, dreams, and careers - we even have writing in common, as she's a professional editor and a writer. For decades, we have met for breakfast every few weeks, and though the pandemic threw a wrench into those meetings, we are keeping up via other means until we can meet over coffee and pancakes again! The sense of safety and acceptance and love in a longstanding friendship is immeasurable.

[theo]

When I was 13, we got a new student in our class. Her first day, she was sitting at a double table (you know, a longer table for two students) all alone. The kids were still coming into class, but I saw her sitting there and decided I wasn't going to give them all a chance to sit anywhere else than with the 'new kid'. So, I flounced over, (I still flounce though hard to do in jeans) sat next to her, introduced myself and told her we were going to be great friends. Fifty plus years later and two countries apart, we're still the kind of friend who can call after 6 months of not talking and just pick up where we left off. And we see each other whenever she's here. I miss hugging her and laughing with her and sharing those day to day things we used to, but Austria rates from the US are pretty high. I was an only, so she's the sister I never had. Sister friends, best friends.

[Kareni]

Good friends are a blessing indeed, Anne!

[Janice]

My best friend from college, who knew all my flaws - and I knew hers :) - died a few years ago. I still feel her loss. She was the only person I could talk to about some things, then and later, and she told me things too - I miss that sort of closeness. She always got all the jokes. She made jokes too. When she moved cross country and I only saw her sporadically, we would pick up exactly where we left off.
Nothing had to be explained. When I see photos of her two daughters, I see her face again.

I have mostly been much of a loner; I'm not the sort who has many casual friends - I tend to have two or three close ones. The virus crisis has kept me home like many, and we communicate by text, phone or online - but except for one lunch with one of them when the Mayor of LA lifted the ban for a few hours, I haven't been physically in their company since January. It seems very strange. In some ways writing or talking on the phone seem even more private and intimate, but there's no substitute for laughing together over a good meal or chatting over coffee. And nobody knows what to do about Christmas.

I am very tired of Blursdays (whoever coined that expression nailed it) and I can't wait until all this is over.

[Christina Courtenay]

It is indeed, Susan! I'm so glad you have your friend and hopefully you will be able to meet up properly soon again. Love the sound of breakfast meetings involving pancakes!

[Christina Courtenay]

That is the best kind of friend, Theo - what a good thing you decided to go and sit next to her that day! And distance is no barrier these days although I hope you get to meet up with her soon.

[Christina Courtenay]

I'm so sorry you lost your best friend, Janice, that must be really tough! Good that you have a couple of other close friends to stay in touch with through this weird period in time. I think we're all heartily tired of Blursdays and I really hope it will all be over soon! As for Christmas - yes, who knows? I think we'll be playing it by ear.

[Kay]

I would have to say I have three best friends. My two roommates from college, who also happen to be sisters. I have memories of lip-syncing with hair brushes to the Supremes. My other best friend is my daughter.

[Kareni]

How lovely, Kay, to be able to describe your daughter as your best friend!

[Christina Courtenay]

Yes, how wonderful to count your daughter as your best friend! I have two daughters and they are each other's best friend, but we can certainly have lots of fun together.

[Sue McCormick]

After they were grown up, my best friends probably were my children. I learned so much from them when they were growing up; after they became adults we truly began meeting on an adult basis.

[Christina Courtenay]

That sounds lovely, Sue! Yes, it's great to interact with ones children when they are grown up - so much easier than the teenage years! I love spending time with my niece and nephew too now they are adults.

[Margot]

Great blog and excellent timing too.
I have some good friends who I met through my Grief Support meetings. It is a group of 6 of us who lost spouses. We bonded, have been there to help each other and become friends for the pasts 4 years.
My very best and longest lasting friend, Rosie, I met when we both worked as nurses in NYC. She came from N. Ireland and we hit it off right away. We shared our lives with each other for many years. Through dating, marriages and divorce. Helped each other through happy and sad times. I named my daughter after her. Years later she returned to Ireland to be with her family and I lost contact with her because she was diagnosed with a fast growing cancer which she did not want me to know. (we had worked together at Sloan Kettering Cancer Hosp) She wanted to spare me her demise and pain. I miss her so much, but treasure all the time we had.

[Christina Courtenay]

Thank you so much for sharing, Margot - I'm so glad you have lots of lovely memories of your friend and I suppose sparing each other pain is a sign of true friendship! How lovely that you have made new friend through the Grief Support meetings - it's great to be with others who have been through the same things. I hope you can continue to see each other once this blasted virus disappears!