The Case for Courtship

Susanna here, sorry to be posting so late in the day, and with a recycled post, yet—one I wrote several years ago over at The Heroine Addicts, but one that still strikes a strong chord with me, and leaves me curious to know your thoughts on the subject…

Back at the beginning of 2012, Jane at Dear Author wrote a wish list of Things She’d Like to See from the Romance Genre, and her #5 wish was More Courtship.

"I am not sure whether it is paranormals and the fated mates that have led to the slow devolution of the courtship, but whatever is the reason, we need to put a stop to it," Jane wrote. "I love the courtship. Dating is so rife with opportunity and conflict. Where is the slow build of attraction?"

Now, don't get me wrong, I believe in the concept of instant attraction and people who simply belong with each other, but watching while two people start to become more aware of each other is wonderful, too, and Jane's post got me thinking how much I love those films and novels in which the main characters actually go out on dates, get to know one another, prolong the suspense for us. Will they or won't they? The almost-kiss can be as sexy to me (sometimes sexier) than sex itself.

Case in point: Scarecrow and Mrs. King. If you were born in the 80s or later, you most likely won't have a clue what this is, but for a romance-loving teen like me in 1983, it was The Best Thing on TV, my favourite show.

Bruce Boxleitner played a suave CIA spy, teamed with Kate Jackson as a divorced mom of two who got drafted by circumstance into the spy game. Their chemistry steamed up our little TV screen, and watching their feelings develop and grow brought me back every week thinking, "This is it! This is the week that they'll kiss!" Their interrupted almost-kisses were the thing of legend, but their first Real Kiss, right at the end of the Third Season (!) made my heart happy because I had watched all the small little moments that led to it.

Back in the mid-18th century, the Irish writer Laurence Sterne (of Tristam Shandy fame) wrote that "Courtship consists in a number of quiet attentions, not so pointed as to alarm, nor so vague as not to be understood."

Those "quiet attentions" are why I so love books like My Love, My Enemy, by Jan Cox Speas, with its pairing of the young American heroine, Page Bradley, and the dashing English spy Lord Hazard, set against the War of 1812, when a brave but rash action by Page throws them (literally) both in the same boat (well, ship) and Lord Hazard decides that, with Page on her own, he is honour-bound to guard her honour, however attractive he finds her. Which means that they don't even kiss till the end of the 14th long chapter, by which time we've watched while they break down their differences, overcome prejudices, notice each other's small faults and discover the things they admire in each other.

Again, it's those stray little moments: the times that their eyes meet, the times they say small things that mean something more, the few times they touch.

It's those same moments, I think, that mark the progression of real-life relationships, too: that first meeting, or first introduction; the first time you notice what colour his eyes are; the first time you go out together; the first time you hold hands; the first time you sit up until 2 a.m. talking; the times that you wish he would kiss you; the first time he actually does...

It's not all smooth sailing, mind you. Both in real life and in fiction there is angst, and plenty of it, and it's not a state I'd want to spend forever in. It's too exhausting. But whether it takes a full year, as it does with Lord Hazard and Page, or three seasons on TV, or one unforgettable day spent with Gregory Peck in Roman Holiday, I'll admit I'm a sucker for stories of courtship.

What about you? What's your favourite example of courtship in fiction, and do you think we need more of it?

Comments

[Amy J]

Scarecrow and Mrs. King! Now I need to see if I can find that to buy or stream.

[Sue McCormick]

I agree with you, Susanna. The courtship is lots of fun. I love to see such stories develop. You have already mentioned Jane Austen, so the only Courtship stories that I call to mind won't add won't broaden the discussion. Still, I thought of both Pride and Prejudice — where several couples learn about true courtship; and also Persuasion with its rekindled courtship..

[Janice]

I think the courtship of Lord Peter Wimsey and Harriet Vane is classic. They don't do anything but talk until the third novel, but what interesting talk it is!

Netflix DVD has Scarecrow & Mrs. King, Amy, and it is available on dvd. Amazon has it online to watch, but you have to buy episodes separately (which would be a good way to sample it). It was my Monday night relaxer, back in the day -- sweet, sily fun.

[Sonya Heaney]

"What's your favourite example of courtship in fiction, and do you think we need more of it?"

I am certainly becoming tired of people jumping into bed from the outset! It seems more and more these days that lead characters go straight from a little kiss to naked from day one.

As far as I know, Scarecrow and Mrs. King was never on here...

[Nicola Cornick]

I totally agree! Love courtship stories with their slow build up of tension and the way a relationship unfolds. Persuasion's rekindled courtship is one of my favourites with the way that Wentworth re-discovers all of Anne's fine qualities and remembers how much he valued her.

[Minna]

My favourite courtship story would be the one in the in Death series by J.D. Robb between Eve Dallas and Roarke. As for TV, I don't think Scarecrow and Mrs. King was ever even shown on TV here in Finland, but my favourite courtship story on TV was Dempsey and Makepeace. It was cancelled before they could even start dating, but there was a lot of chemistry between the actors both on and off screen. In fact, in real life, the actors ended up getting married with each other and as far as I know, they are married to this day.

[Mary T]

Oh yes, the courtship is so important. Even in stories where there is a marriage of convenience that "getting to know you" period is what makes the story interesting.

I too, have picked up a few books where the characters don't seem to know the difference between love and lust. Don't get me wrong, a well done sex scene can add depth to a love story- but not in the first few pages of the book (smile).

One of the authors that I read for the humor in her stories is Joan Smith. I think most of her books were written back in the 80s or 90s. I read them not for romance but because there is usually at least one character that will have me laughing out loud. Her books are almost all courtship with little actual romance until the very end. The typical hero is usually initially attracted to the heroines much prettier (but insipid) younger sister, friend, cousin, etc., but slowly comes to realize the heroine is the true gem. This usually involves a lot of witty dialogue and humorous situations.

[Janice Millford]

Jan Speas Cox's MY LOVE, MY ENEMY was and is one of my favorite books. When she runs down the stairs into his arms----that was powerful! One of the best things to love about the Heyer books is the courtship of h/h. MISS FISHER'S MURDER MYSTERIES film series has a great courtship running through the series. Susan Elizabeth Phillips writes witty and fun modern day courtships, too.
Thank you for reminding me of why I enjoy reading romances!

[Mary Jo Putney]

Susanna, Great topic! My roots are in traditional Regency, which like Jane Austen was all about the courtship--the talk, the attraction/resistance, the building of deep emotion. (SYLVESTER, anyone? Though really just about any Heyer.)

It's interesting, if not surprising, that a number of the courtships mentioned here are mystery series, like the wonderful Lord Peter Wimsey/Harriet Vane books. In fact, the slow development of the relationship over many books is possible because the mysteries are the center of the story while the courtship is a long running, though often vital, secondary plot. There are any number of TV mystery shows that do this, though my favorite is CASTLE. 'Cause he's writer, and the show is funny as well as clever.

[StephanieL]

When I was in my mid teens, my mother granted me permission to read her Emilie Loring books which were written in the 40's and 50's primarily. As an adult, it was a full quest to buy the entirety of her work because I love the relationship building between the principles. No sex (which does have its place and is all fine but...) but a gradual awareness and increasing pull between the characters. Even now they are some of my favorites. Of course Austen is always up there, along with Heyer and Kearsley. I really don't do much TV so I have nothing to add to that discussion. :-)

[Anne H]

I agree with all of the comments about the importance of courtship, or the slow development of a relationship from friendship to love. I also agree with all choices mentioned previously, other than the Scarecrow and Mrs. King, which I have never seen, and the books by Emilie Loring, which I have never come across.
Depending on the quality of the writing, character development and plot details, I do enjoy some novels in which there is more sex, but I really have difficulty with two things: the dreadful anachronisms in historical and Regency romances, and the 'big midunderstandings' arising from the fact that the characters jumped into bed immediately and only later bothered to learn anything about each other. I keep thinking 'oh, please....' and eventually DNF most of those stories. Even a great deal of grovelling doesn't redeem the stories.

[Anne H]

I totally agree with both of you! Pride and Prejudice and Persuasion are two of my favourite novels, and I re-read each of them (and watch my favourite screen versions - the one with Jennifer Ehle and Colin Firth for Pride and Prejudice, and the one with Amanda Root and Ciaran Hinds for Persuasion) at least once a year.

[Suzanne]

OH lol, Susanna, on Scarecrow and Mrs. King! Now I'm feeling old. I read a book years ago (I believe it was by Barbara Metzger, but can't recall the title)and what I remember is the slow burn between the h/h as they courted. As I read I kept silently chanting "yes, yes, kiss already!" It was worth the wait at the end. So, I'm all for sexual tension and courtship. Sometimes less is more.

[Annette Naish]

I agree!!!! A true courtship can be so romantic. That can be a time that the reader learns who the heroine and hero really are, at the same time they are learning about one another. It is the time that little private jokes are made. It is the time when certain every day events begin to mean a great deal.

Is it because writers and publishers believe that readers would not cherish the idea of a courtship which led to love?

Yes, Scarecrow and Mrs King, Castle, Remington Steele, are all mystery series, filled with humor and a growing tension of attraction.

[Margaret]

A lovely post, Susanna, even if it was recycled! I, too, love a prolonged courtship, and while I somehow never watched The Scarecrow and Mrs. King, I remember adoring the gradual build up of the relationship between Sam and Diane on Cheers. But then, as so often happens on tv, the writers and actors (with their contractual demands) couldn't let a good relationship last, and they had to go and ruin it. It was a long wait until they finally managed some resolution in the final episode. There are so many wonderful examples in books, but I have to tell you that I was just the tiniest bit unhappy at the end of "Mariana." The relationship took so very long to be recognized for what it was, and then the book ended so quickly. Beautifully, perfectly, but oh-so-quickly. Sigh. But still perfectly.

[Susanna Kearsley]

Amy, I confess I still carry a torch for Bruce Boxleitner :-)

A couple of years ago, when I was working to a particularly exhausting deadline, I treated myself to all the S & Mrs K DVDs I could find, and whenever I finished a chapter I rewarded myself by watching an episode.

It worked like a charm.

[Susanna Kearsley]

I do love Persuasion. It's probably my favourite Austen.

[Susanna Kearsley]

Janice, I couldn't agree more. Lord Peter and Harriet light up the pages with all of those sparks that are passing between them.

[Susanna Kearsley]

Sonya, you can watch some clips of it on YouTube, if you want to get a sense of what the show was like. Some of the fan-made videos are kind of fun, like this one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0T3I1K1HEiE

It takes me straight back to the 80s :-)

[Susanna Kearsley]

Gosh, I'd forgotten Dempsey and Makepeace! I think they have full episodes of that on YouTube, as well. And yes, the chemistry is palpable.

[Susanna Kearsley]

Mary, I've never read any Joan Smith. Adding her to my reading list.

Do you have a favourite of hers that you'd recommend I start with?

[Susanna Kearsley]

Janice, how nice to meet another Jan Cox Speas fan!

One of the nicest and most unexpected connections I've ever made has been with her daughter, Cindy, who's now a friend of mine.

Lovely how books and our love of them bring us together.

[Susanna Kearsley]

Mary Jo, that's one thing I love best about Regency romances -- the fact that I know there will be a slow build of attraction, with lots of great dialogue.

And you're right about the mystery angle. There are so many mysteries, aren't there, where the romance is used to draw readers (and watchers) along from one tale to the next?

[Susanna Kearsley]

Aw. Thank you, Stephanie, for including me with your favourites (although I'm not nearly in Austen's and Heyer's league).

And I'll have to add Emilie Loring as well to my TBR pile.

[Susanna Kearsley]

Anne, I always think sex scenes, done well and at the right moment, can really add to the emotional development of the relationship.

Unfortunately for me, I've just never been able to write them well :-)

[Susanna Kearsley]

Well, if you're old, then I am, too :-)

And yes, that growing anticipation of the first kiss is so fun!

[Susanna Kearsley]

Annette, I've always been able to find good courtship stories in my reading pile, especially--as Mary Jo pointed out--in the Regency romances.

As to your question, I don't know that it's writers so much as the industry's move towards putting "more on the page" and leaving less to the imagination, but that's not happening only in books, it's also happening in films and television.

I remember when "Love Boat" first came on TV, my mom didn't want me to watch it because everyone boarded the ship on a Friday and by Saturday night they were getting all hot and heavy with each other :-) She didn't think that was a good thing for me to see, as an 11-year-old. (I watched it anyway, just didn't tell her :-)

Now it's the rare show that doesn't follow its lead players right into the bedroom. In detail.

So I think, in many ways, it's just a societal shift that's been going on for a while.

[Susanna Kearsley]

Margaret, sorry about Mariana. I don't think you're the only one of my readers who feels that way (I get letters :-)

My only excuse is that the characters, at that point, just stopped talking in my mind and stayed exactly where they were. And that's always my cue that they've finished their story, and don't want to go any further.

My mom's favourite ending of one of my books is the ending of the historical story in A Desperate Fortune--she felt I'd finally let her "wallow" properly at the end :-)

[Kareni]

Thanks for an enjoyable post. I too appreciate a story in which the characters converse and get to know each other over time rather than falling immediately into bed. One fairly recent book that fits the bill that I like is the new adult romance The Year We Fell Down by Sarina Bowen. Another is The Wall of Winnipeg and Me by Mariana Zapata; this one is also interesting in that the author manages to redeem a character who is quite unlikeable at the story's start.

[Margaret]

I haven't read A Desperate Fortune, yet, Susanna. I'll move it up within my TBR piles. Thanks!

[Linda Banche]

I always thought sexual tension is more fun to read about than pages and pages and pages, etc. of sweaty bodies. Before sex was allowed in romances, the courtship was the only thing there was. Now that we can have sex in our romances, we do, and more and more of it, and sooner in the story. And there goes the courtship.

The courtship is a way for people to get to know each other. I don't believe that line defending the increase of sex in romances that say that sex relations reveal character. I think that's just an excuse to add more sex to the story. Sex can reveal character, but that's not the only thing. Everything a person does reveals character, and nobody has to take their clothes off to find out. I wish sexual tension would make a comeback.

[Janice]

I do :) -- Aunt Sophie's Diamonds! Review/info at:

http://hibiscus-sinensis.com/regency/retroread08.htm#359

Joan Smith is my reviewing colleague's favorite author, I think; she loves comedy.

[Mary T]

Ms. Smith was quite prolific back in the day, and many of her books are now available in e-book form.

One of my favorites is PERDITA. It's a story of two ladies, who through a series of mishaps are mistaken for prostitutes. Sounds racy - but not really.

Another favorite is SWEET AND TWENTY. This story involves a local political campaign for a member of parliament and a matchmaking aunt with two nieces that she is trying to snag husbands for.

Happy reading. Hope you enjoy!

[Sue McCormick]

My bad: I should have remembered these, as I read them BEFORE I discovered Austen, and have always loved them!

[Mary Jo Putney]

Kareni, THE YEAR WE FELL DOWN is really excellent on so many levels.

[Sonya Heaney]

I will definitely have a look! Apparently my father loved her back in the day...!

[Sonya Heaney]

Also, I was around in the 80s, but I do not know about this show. Rainbow Brite and the Care Bears, however!!

[Patricia Franzino]

I enjoyed reading the courtship of Lady Julia and Brisbane in Deanna Raybourn's series. He is an inquiry agent before they were called detectives and she loves sleuthing. They continue this after they marry with all sorts of conflict, tension and love.

This plays out differently but still has a couple that end up helping each other to solve crimes in Tasha Alexander's Lady Emily series with Colin Hargreaves as the best friend of Emily's deceased husband and the awkwardness in finally admitting their mutual love.

I like the idea of courting in fiction and life. It gives a greater sense of security to see how a person responds in different situations over time. To give someone a chance,
and see if this is a friend or, better yet, the friend that ends up being the spouse.

[StephanieL]

I would have posted the same list if you weren't the author of the post. :-) You may not put yourself in that league but the authors that I can always rely on for a fabulous book is a short list and you're definitely on it. I also realized a typo in my post, Emilie Loring's books are from the "20's to the 50's primarily" is what I meant but her romances built around the World Wars and all that came with them never fails.

[StephanieL]

I've never written a letter about Mariana...but I may have sent a tweet...LOL We just have to construct an extra chapter in our minds. ;-)