Friends

That picture is of me with two Wench friends whom I'm sure you recognize!

I read an article the other day in which an author said that no one wrote books about friends anymore. (Sorry, lost the link.) It struck me as strange, as books about women friends seem common. There are probably as many with men friends, but perhaps they're more like comrades-in-arms? 

That led me to ask on my facebook page about favorite friends in historical romance. I didn't want it to look like a promo troll, so I banned mention of my Company of Rogues unless people wanted to point to particular friendships within the group. There were some interesting replies, but I'll pose the question again here.

What are your favorite one-sex friendships in historical romance? Two women or two men, and not sisters or brothers.

The post threw up some comments that made me think. One was that in our modern world close family is rarer than close friendships, so in fiction we emphasize family more. What do you think of that? There certainly are some notable families in historical romance. My Mallorens, Julia Quinn's Bridgertons, and Mary Balogh's Bedwyns come to mind. There are many others. Suggest your favorites.

Do you buy the argument about family being our rare and treasured fictional prize these days?

Another comment was that female friendships were rarer in romances because the love relationship will interfere. I don't like any implication that female friends will inevitably become rivals for the hero, but do women neglect friends when they fall in love? Or do they turn to them for help and support?

Do men? Do men falling in love neglect their buddies?

Here's a photo of my father and three friends when young. They kept in touch all their lives.

Can you think of historical romances in which friendships suffer because of love?

A diversion, but I came across this page about female friends having a bad time at parties in the past. I've included one of the pictures, but do go over there and enjoy the captions as well. Enjoy!

 

Thinking over my own books, friendships vary, as I like to write differently each time. In A Shocking Delight Lucy had a close friend -- a BFF as people would say today -- but the storyline took them apart, as did their futures. There's a thread in the book about how the group of childhood friends is fracturing as they marry and move.

That makes me realize that upper class marriage back then generally meant that the woman would move to the husband's home, probably disturbing earlier friendships. In my novella, Saint Agnes and the Black Sheep, one of the reasons Agnes is determined not to marry is that she values her community and her friends. Of course she finds a gentleman without an estate who's willing to move to her place.

In reality ladies often kept in touch with old friends by letter, but I don't think we see this much in books. That's a bit odd, really. We're accustomed to friendships enhanced and preserved through e-mail and social media, so why isn't there more of the equivalent in historical romances in which the heroine is married?

Is the reality of wives having to move away from friends why sometimes the fictional friendship is between lady and maid,  or gentleman and valet or secretary, as the servant will go along?

In my upcoming book, Hermione is without a friend. Circumstances have moved her from her home, and her companion is her sister, but they are not particularly close or in harmony. In addition, her girlhood friends are marrying, moving, and being absorbed by their new life whilst she is remaining a spinster. 

So, what are your thoughts about the part friendships play in historical romance, and perhaps your thoughts on how you'd like them to play? Or are close family ties more important these days? There's a copy of Too Dangerous for a Lady to one lucky commenter.

Jo

Comments

[Fiona Marsden]

As someone who is trying to write romance, the problem of friends does come up. In category romance there is a stress on not having too many secondary characters or letting them take over from the key element of the romance between hero and heroine. This would tend to preclude too much time spent with friends and, pushed to the perimeter, they become non-essential items and probably drop off.
I think we often see heroines isolated by some circumstance which makes it difficult to maintain friendships and this makes the relationship with the hero that much more significant because he becomes Best Friend as well as lover and I like that. I'm actually struggling to recall a strong female friendship not between siblings that would continue after marriage in historicals I've read. Elizabeth Bennett and Charlotte perhaps. Heyer's heroines often had unequal relationships with female friends especially the stronger ones.

[Misti]

I do think that family as the central bond is most evident in historical romances because of the times they lived in. It would be hard to keep up with old friends who live across the country when you have to keep up with your family and their lives as well. It just makes friendships for women harder unless you live in London. Jennifer McQuiston's Accidental Wallflower starts off with the girl having two friends but in the end she lets them go realizing that they were never really friends in the first place. I think too being surrounded mostly by family makes it hard for women to make friends outside their family. Men have their clubs, school and the like. Women may go to school for a period of time but those in the upper echelons most likely had tutors brought in for their girls. The competition to make the best match also makes it harder for girls to become true friends when they come out. True friendships are wonderful and very hard to find even today.

[Mary Jo Putney]

These are all really interesting question, Jo--one's I've never really thought about because I'm addicted to structuring series around male friendships. In my books, the friendships generally began to make up for unsatisfactory or non-existent families, and they help socialize guys who might otherwise be desperately isolated. Plus, I think that a man who is deeply loyal to his friends is demonstrating that he can be deeply loyal to the woman he loves.

Much to ponder here...

[Jobev]

"I think we often see heroines isolated by some circumstance which makes it difficult to maintain friendships and this makes the relationship with the hero that much more significant because he becomes Best Friend as well as lover and I like that."

That's an interesting point, Fiona. I think the isolated heroine was a classic feature of contemporary romance.She was often a waif of some sort, such as an orphan. I thought it had changed a bit, but perhaps not.

What they call "new adult" books -- characters in their early twenties -- seem to put a lot of emphasis on friendships, existing or new, aside from the romance.

[Jobev]

Good point about the opportunity to make friends outside of the family, Misti, especially for women. Unless someone lived very close, it would be tricky.

[Jobev]

Glad you find it interesting, Mary Jo. I hadn't thought much about it before.

People always used to say to watch how a man treats his mother. But not many romance heroes get the chance, I don't think!

Thinking of my books.
Current hero, mother dead.
Previous hero, mother mad.
Before that, mother cold and distant.
Before that, same mother.
Before that, ah-ha! Christian Hill with a wonderful mother and family.

But it's a sorry list. Must do better.

[Janga]

Female friendships are abundant in the contemporary series I read. They are the heart of many of Nora Roberts's trilogies and quartets. I can think of half a dozen just off the top of my head. Such friendships play a part in almost all of the dozens of small-town romances with which I am familiar. Perhaps that is part of the appeal of this trend that seems to be maintaining its popularity.

They may be less common in historical romance, but they certainly exist. Anne Gracie's Chance Sisters series features a combination of blood sisters and friends who become sisters. Lisa Kleypas's Wallflower series also features a group of sisters and friends as heroines. All three of Manda Collins's series have heroines with close female ties: cousins in her Ugly Ducklings books, two sisters and a friend in her Wicked Widows trilogy, and close friends in her new Lords of Anarchy series. I could cite other examples from Eloisa James, Julia Quinn, Miranda Neville . . .

[Elinor Aspen]

I immediately thought of Miranda Neville's Wild Quartet and the strong friendship between Caroline Townsend and Cynthia, Lady Windermere. It formed after Cynthia's marriage but while she was estranged from her husband and survived both Cynthia's marriage to a duke and Cynthia's reconciliation with her husband.

I have thought about the effects of marriage and relocation on female friendships. I wrote an (unpublished) epistolary romance novella that consists mostly of letters between the heroine and her best friend, who has recently married and moved from Lancashire to Kent.

[Michele Stegman]

I love to see strong friendships in books, esp. between two people who, for some reason, should not be friends.
I also love strong friendships between two men. One reason I love your Rogue books! (I know you said not to mention them, but they are such a good example.)
In one of my books, the heroine is far, far from home but keeps in touch via many letters, which causes the hero to think she is a spy!

[Vicki W.]

That is a really good question that I've never really thought about. The first series I thought of where friends are a very important component was Lisa Kleypas' Wallflower series. There is Jacquie D'Allessandro's Ladies Literary Society of London series.

Mary Jo Putney's Lost Lords and Fallen Angels have very strong male friendships tying them together. Grace Burrowes' Lonely Lords has male friendships.

Maybe there aren't as many female best friends because of the way romances are written. By the time our heroine has reached an "advanced age", all her earlier friends have moved on to a different stage in life and so she has become isolated because of that spinster/old maid status.

But if you think even further, there is an underlying friendship theme in many books. Where the mother writes to her old friend from her come out years and asks that the friend sponsor the daughter for her come out. Or they both go stay with the friend.

Which did reflect the time....if your husband didn't want to go to London during the season and saw no reason for you to go, you didn't. Letter writing was the only way to maintain a relationship with friends and relatives because traveling was so difficult.

But I think the close friendship bit in contemporary fiction is easier to make work because in contemporary times you have so many more opportunities to make friends. School (K-12), college, groups to belong to, sports, etc whereas in Regencies/Historical's - only if you were sent off to school did you really have a chance to meet other girls before your come out.

Or if there was a nearby estate with children your age that your parents approved of and would let you play with them.

Many times the only opportunity girls growing up (and as young women) had to make friends was within the family.

Hmmm....I'll have to ponder this even more.

[Lillian Marek]

Madeline Hunter has female friendships tying together her Fairborne quartet and the Rarest Blooms series, but I think that in historicals male friendships are easier to make convincing. This isn't because women are less friendly but because they had fewer opportunities for friendship. They didn't go to school or university or join the army, etc. They were kept close at home and carefully protected. It's harder to make close friendships in those circumstances. Not impossible, of course, but harder. And they aren't going to have the kind of shared commitments or even hardships that bind men together at school or at war.

Woman's need for the protection of family is one reason why the loss of that protection automatically puts heroines in a dramatic situation.

[Jobev]

I agree, Janga. They are more common in contemporaries.

[Jobev]

Epistolary novels can be fascinating. Have you read Sorcery and Cecilia? It's a fantasy Regency in letters, with one lady in London and the other in the country.

[Jobev]

Great that you used letters so effectively. Perhaps we need more letters in historical romances.

[Jobev]

"By the time our heroine has reached an "advanced age", all her earlier friends have moved on to a different stage in life and so she has become isolated because of that spinster/old maid status."

That's a good point, arising out of a preference for older heroines. I have done younger ones and it's easier for them to still have girlhood friends.

Excellent reminder of the older ladies who are still connected to their friends, and who can be pulling strings behind the scenes.

[Jobev]

Lillian, that's interesting about a woman's need of family. It's true. In the past friends would be lovely, but they couldn't protect the way a family could. They had no legal force, to begin with. Of course some women would need protection from their friends.

[prema]

Families remain the at the center of our existence. Our best experiences of love, affection, play, companionship emanates from this. Also reverses in family relationships hurt us the most --because we expect better from our close relatives. Also because of this deep seated hatred, hurt, wronged feeling exist within the family. No wonder that the family features at the heart of the Historical romances. Madeline Hunter had to series on women friends and both were very relatable.

Women have strong friendships that transcend time and place. And since women are more open and free about feelings and emotions their relationships are more honest and more empathetic.

[Michelle Athy]

One of my favorite female friendships in historical romance is in a Julia Quinn series, the Bevelstoke series, between Miranda and Olivia, who are friends as young girls and remain friends. There's also a friendship between Penelope and, I think, Eloise in the Bridgerton books. I have great, strong female friends going back to high school and I like to think that romance heroines have at least a cousin they're very close friends with or a past governess or the girl on the next estate.

Someone mentioned that showing male friendships tells the reader that the heroes can be loyal and caring and friendly and while books can't show us everything of our heroines' lives, I think giving the heroine her own close friends show us the same things about her.

[Anne Seebaldt]

Someone said something about unequal friendships; you see this a lot in Heyer. For example, Hero and Isabella in "Friday's Child: are friends of sorts, though the latter is a spoiled Beauty with a capital B; so are Fanny and Serena in "Bath Tangle." But Serena has the money though Fanny is her widowed stepmother. Ancilla and Charlotte, her charge of "The Nonesuch" are friends; she is also friends with patience but there is a distance of sorts of age. Sophy ("The Grand Sophy") mostly has male friends, except for her cousin, Cecilia, whom she manages to happily-ever-after, we believe. Fanny and Leonie ("These Old Shades" and "Devil's Cub") are friends, but they are not completely equals, either. When they meet, Fanny ranks higher and is a mentor (of sorts); in the second book, Fanny is a widow and Leonie is a Duchess; they are sisters-in-law. Then there are the relationships in "Cotillion," which probably yields the greatest number of womanly friendships. Kitty has three friends - her soon-to-be sister-in-law, Meg, her newly-met, mother-burdened Olivia and Miss Fishguard, and in each instance, she is the stronger, more sensible character. Meg is (nominally) in charge, but Kitty's good sense (and somewhat managing personality; she has, after all, managed her uncle's home) has some influence on her. Olivia is easily-led and Miss Fishguard is easy enough to distract by a literary diversion (particularly poetry). I'm sure you all can think of more examples. Most of the close relationships between women I can think of offhand, at least in Regencies, are familial. Mother/daughter aunt/niece, sister/sister (or sisters-in-law).

[Marion E Scott]

My only sister is 9 yr younger so we never were friends --- she was still a child when I left home. I met my BFF over 40 yrs
ago reaching for the same book in a used book store---it was a Harlequin. We had so much in common(besides our taste in reading matter). Both husbands worked with computers for the US gov't --her son was a yr older than mine, my daughter a yr older that hers. Fifteen yrs later she moved but we continued
the friendship by vacationing together every year and talking on the phone every morning. In fact I just got off the phone
talking to her before I turned on the computer.

[Artemisia]

Long-standing female friendships are rare because women are culturally conditioned to regard other females as competition. Marriage usually breaks up a youthful circle of friends. The best friendships are formed late in life, among mature women who have experiences and interests to share. Or so it has been for me. We are all widows and orphans of some sort and it makes us better friends than untried girls.

[Sonya Heaney]

My favourite historical romances are the books where heroines get to have friends as well as love interests.

“One was that in our modern world close family is rarer than close friendships”

You see, that’s why I always feel like a bit of a freak. Between me, my mid-sixties mother and aunt, and my mid-nineties grandmother, we form this unit. We spend as much time together as most married couples! But I think that’s really abnormal these days, and a real sign that when my family came to Australia our Ukrainian culture came with us.

[Jobev]

Interesting comments, Prema. I agree that family can be the best and the worst.

[Jobev]

"Someone mentioned that showing male friendships tells the reader that the heroes can be loyal and caring and friendly and while books can't show us everything of our heroines' lives, I think giving the heroine her own close friends show us the same things about her."

I agree, Michelle. Perhaps if the heroine doesn't have friends on the page, we can see how she relates to them. Which would bring us back to letters, perhaps.

[Jobev]

I hadn't thought about Heyer like that. Anne. Unequal and perhaps slightly dysfunctional friendships. I don't think we see many of those in modern books. Is that a sign of changing times?

[Jobev]

Marion, it's lovely to make a good friend later in life. How great that you've kept in touch in that way.

[Jobev]

I can't really agree about the competition, Artemisia. I think that would only come into play if there was a shortage of men. Thinking back to my university days I had good friends but there were plenty of men around and we weren't interested in the same ones.

It might have been much the same in a London season. There would be the particularly eligible men, but most young women would have different tastes.

But yes, those older friendships could be particularly special.

[Jobev]

That must be a lovely unit, Sonya! You're very fortunate.

[Elinor Aspen]

I have not read that one, but it sounds delightful. I just added it to my Amazon cart. Thanks!

[Ella Quinn]

I think everyone has mentioned the series I've read that have strong friendships. I tend to be drawn to books like that, and the characters in my books have strong friendships. Interesting post. I shared.

[Janice]

I would agree with Artemisia here. Girls are competitive too, over looks and/or men. There doesn't have to be a shortage of men for that feeling to occur (and there's always a shortage of *good* men anyway). We measure ourselves and are measured by others against our peers. Things may not get bitchy, or overt, but there is always a sense of our place in the hierarchy.

I agree also about what Artemisia said about friendships -- girls' friendships tend to splinter when they marry (or get jobs elsewhere) and move into a different lifestyle. I have found, however, that it is possible to reconnect later when we're single again and there is more time and more interest in having someone to talk to.

[Julie Fetter]

The school teachers in Mary Balogh's "Simply" quartet come to mind as an example of a group of female friends who truly enjoy each other's company and support the personal endeavors of the various members. In Manda Collins' upcoming release, A Good Rake is Hard to Find, the heroine has a network of close female friends; we witness their interactions in a variety of settings. The relationship between Elizabeth Bennett and Charlotte Lucas holds strong, even when strained by Charlotte's choice of husband and challenged by being separated by "fifty miles of good road."
Unfortunately, these seem to be exceptions and not the norm in most historical romance. I would enjoy seeing more friendships between strong female characters who support one another. Maybe such friendships are more likely among those of lesser (or no) rank.

[Gloria]

My mind is filled with thoughts of close friends being separated by marriage and distance. Recently connected to two such women on social media, this subject has been on my mind. It has been more than fifty years since any communication with one and one meeting with the other. We are on opposite ends of the political spectrum. Yet, I can only remember the fun and love. They were mischievous, lively, funny, warm and we were all looking for Mr. Right. That is what is foremost in my mind. Who cares about the politics? The old friendship is what I remember, and that is what I choose.

[Quantum]

There are some really interesting discussions here .... for me it has become the thinking man's romance blog!

I think that friendships forged when young, perhaps at school or college, can last for a lifetime and this forms a strong core for many superb series.

Mary Jo's 'Fallen Angels' or Hope Tarr's 'Men of Roxbury house' come immediately to mind also Balogh's 'Simply' series. In difficult times, such long standing friendships can provide invaluable support and can add 'fibre and strength' to the plot.

I'm just starting your 'rogues' series Jo. Loved the opening chapter where Eleanor is saved from suicide by Lord Stainbridge. Using physics talk, the first chapter needs to create a black hole from which no reader can escape. I think I have crossed the event horizon! :)

[Shannon]

I'm terrible at remembering names of characters and then connecting them with authors so I was glad to see the Chance Sisters mentioned, and the Wallflowers and the teachers in the Simply series. All of those are on my reread list. Aside for the friend angle, what I've been seeing is the artificial family where the heroine accepts being the ward of several children or distant cousins. I just reread Mary Jo's The Rake, and the heroine's relationship with Merry is that she is part friend.

[Jobev]

Janice, I agree about the pecking order. I think everyone is aware of that, but sometimes it's more obvious and important than at others.

[Jobev]

Interesting question about rank, Julie. People of lower rank were less likely to move far in their lives and when they married, so friendships could survive. So could rivalries and enmity, of course!

But there are examples of aristocratic friendships,which we mainly know of from letters. If they were meeting in person it would leave less evidence.

Queen Anne had a famous friendship with Sarah Churchill, but it required Sarah to spend a lot of time with the queen.

[Jobev]

Lovely that you've reconnected, Gloria. Often differences over politics, religion, or other matters can be ignored.

[Jobev]

No escape. I like it! I hope you enjoy the Rogues. Many male readers do because none of the Rogues is an idealized Romantic Hero. They have insecurities.

[Jobev]

Shannon, you're right about the created family. I suppose that's the best of both worlds. A family, but of chosen people.

[LenoreJ]

Harper & Sharpe in Bernard Cornwell's fabulous series. Translated beautifully to film.

[Sue W. McCormick]

I came late to this post (somehow I missed mention of it in my male). No one has mentioned Stephanie Laurens. In Captain Jack's woman the heroine has a good friend (and the friend's finance is Captain Jack's aide, so the friendship continues). Captain Jacks' Woman became the prequel to the Bastion Club. The original friendships in that series are the men, but as the women marry in, they make friendships among themselves that continue on, although the families live apart all over Great Britain. She also shows enduring friendships among women in the Cynster series. (As of now, all these fictional characters have met and mingled and there are many friendships among them.) And finally, she is embarking into the next generation and into the realm of the new queen. We begin with a discussion among the girls of this generation. Of course they are cousins (but not all of the same degree) and I believe the friendship outweighs the cousinship. We will see how this all works out.

[Sue W. McCormick]

Oops! "male" should have read "male" Is this Freudian?

[Sue W. McCormick]

I KNOW that I corrected "male" to "mail"; if it doesn't come out correctly this time, I'll trash something on the computer!