There is No Friend Like a Sister . . .

“For there is no friend like a sister, in calm or stormy weather, to cheer one on the tedious way, to fetch one if one goes astray, to lift one if one totters down, to strengthen whilst one stands.” —Christina Rossetti

Sisters. It is one of the most elemental bonds of all. And yet, a number of us—me included—have never experienced that close relationship. I have two brothers. They are wonderful, and I’ve learned a lot of important life lessons from them—how to throw a curveball, how to drive a stick shift, the important of sucking it up and NOT crying when you fall out of a tree.

But there’s a deep, primordial uniqueness, I think, to the closeness between siblings of the same sex. Much as I love my brothers, I was never, ever going to confide certain hopes, fears and dreams with them.  Boys, the awkwardness of adolescence, love (not to mention pretty party dresses!)— sharing the most intimate subjects seems something coded in our DNA.

I had a best girlfriend growing up and she was, in effect, my surrogate sister. So although there were moments when a flesh and blood comrade-in-arms would have been welcome (think frogs in beds and two-on-one water balloon fights) I didn’t dwell on the lack of a sisterly sibling . . .

Until I read Pride and Prejudice.

I remember very vividly how the book affected me. The two eldest Bennets have such a strong and special bond despite—or maybe because of—their very different personalities. With her inimical skill at depicting nuances of character, Austen captured to perfection a portrait of two sisters-in-spirit as well as in blood. To this day, whenever I reread it, I feel a pang of longing for having missed having a sister with whom to share my secrets. (Though I do temper that wistfulness by reminding myself that I might have gotten Lydia instead of Jane!)

And then, as I read Austen’s other books, I found it fascinating to see how she developed other “paired” sisterly relationships. Jane, being Jane, saw the full range of emotional attachments and depicted them with her usual cutting edge insight and irony. In Sense and Sensibility, Elinor and Marianne are close, yet it’s a very different closeness than the one shared by Lizzy and Jane. Elinor is much more the classic “big sister” who feels responsible for caring for Marianne. She feels she must be strong and stalwart, so can’t share how much she’s been hurt by Love’s slings and arrows.

Persuasion shows sisterhood at the opposite end of the Lizzy-Jane spectrum. Anne Eliot’s older sister Elizabeth is vain and selfish, while her younger sister Mary is a querulous whiner who depends on Anne’s good sense to help order her life. The only thing that binds the three women together is blood. Emotionally they are as different as chalk and cheese.

So Jane Austen is probably the reason I chose to try my hand at writing a trilogy about three closeknit sisters. Being a romantic at heart, I chose to make Olivia, Anna and Caro, the heroines of my new “Hellions of High Street” series, in the Lizzy-Jane mold. They are best friends, but it was c hallenging—and fun—to figure out how to create the different relationships within the trio. Olivia, the oldest, tends to be the most serious, and tends to worry for all of them. Anna, the middle sister, accepts the expectation that she must use her charm and beauty to attract a rich husband, and thus take care of her family (though that plan quickly gets turned on its ear when Olivia meets the Earl of Wrexham!)

Caro, the youngest, was actually the most difficult to create. In the early books, she young, exuberant and, being a poet, is prone to High Drama. Having her slowly mature enough to be a heroine in her own right, rather than simply a foil for her sisters make me thinks a lot about the pecking order of families, and how we slowly but surely find our own self within that group dynamic. Her story comes out in two weeks—I hope you enjoy how she comes of age!

So how about you? Do you have sisters? Are you close, or are things “complicated?” And do you enjoy reading books that have sisters featured in them? Lastly, have you a favorite pair of sisters in literature? One lucky commentator who leaves a response here between now and Friday morning will be chosen at random to win a digital copy of one of the “Hellions of High Street” books—your choice!

Comments

[Janice]

I had three older brothers but no sisters. At the time I didn't think much about that - it was just the way things were. Later I came to wish I had had a sister, because many times it felt as though there was no one in my family I could talk with when I desperately needed a friend. There are lots of things I wouldn't have wanted to talk about with my brothers and though I loved and respected my mother, she wasn't of my generation and she had enough problems anyway. A close girlfriend can be like a sister and sometimes that works out better. I know sisters who are very close, but others who are at each others' throats continually and still others who seem indifferent to each other. I might not have wound up with the close relationship; I might have got the corrosive sort instead. But I too read Austen and envy Lizzie and Jane and Elinor and Marianne that closeness and devotion.

[Shannon]

I grew up with two younger brothers, who being 9 months apart and in the same grade, were extremely close. We lived in the country so family were friends pretty much. I recall being lonely and dreaming of a sister.

I envied both sisters and the girls in school who could walk to each other houses and just hang out. Of course, I also saw the dark side of sisterhood in college. My best friend's sister was an addict who stole from my friend, lied about a lot of things, and basically was a emotional burden.

BTW, I loved the sisters in Scandalously Yours. I just added Sinfully Yours to my TBR pile on the computer downloads for the Kindle. Who knows, tomorrow may be a snow day?

[Andrea Penrose]

Janice, it's so interesting how close girl friends, while wonderful, are just not the same as that blood bond. I've thought about it and still can't quite put my finger on it, save to say it must be the elemental shared experiences—the dynamics of your parents, etc. It's true that i've seen plenty of sister relationships that aren't good—jealousy and competitiveness can be terrible—but I still sometimes long for that bond.

[Andrea Penrose]

Thank you so much, Shannon! I'm so glad you enjoyed my trio. As I said, I had such fun writing them—I guess all my idealistic imagination came out in the trilogy!

I missed just being able to walk into a sister's bedroom and share the little ups and downs of life. But as you say, there is a dark side if a sibling is troubled, or simply a manipulative person. I actually feel very lucky in that my two brothers are wonderful, and we really enjoy each other. But there are still "girl-things" I won't confide to them!

[Cheri]

I have two sisters. We are close. Being an aunt to their children has also been lots of fun. I love the sisters in Little Women, as well as Mary and Laura Ingalls. Thanks!

[Sonya Heaney]

One brother, no sisters. My mother is the youngest of three sisters, and it's definitely a different family dynamic.

In the past year and a half the three sisters, me and my ninety-something grandmother have gone away on beach holidays together. I think there's definitely something about sisters (no matter how much they might argue) that keeps a family closer.

I finished 'Sinfully Yours' this afternoon and am now halfway through 'Passionately Yours'! I was so happy when I finished one to find an email in my inbox saying I'd been sent a review copy of the next!

(Don't add me to the giveaway!)

[Andrea Penrose]

Sounds like a lovely, close-knit family, Cheri! You are very lucky! And Little Women is definitely a "sisters" classic.

[Andrea Penrose]

Oh, that sounds like SUCH a fun "girls" getaway, Sonya. You're right—that closeness, despite any small squabbling, is something that is unique to siblings. And it's wonderful to see.

I'm honored that you are reading the trilogy! Thank you.(Please let me know how you like Caro.)

[Becky]

My sister and I are of the Lizzie-Jane variety, with little in common, and never bosom buddies. But family is family, and even an oil-and-water relationship like ours doesn't break that up. We're part of each other's foundations, the base we build on.
Looking forward to your next book!

[Mary Jo Putney]

Cara, I've often consciously thought how lucky I am to have both a broth and a sister and both very fine. But my sister is three years older, and that's a big gap, so we didn't have a lot of that day to day sharing, though we're the best of friends now. (Plus, she's six inches taller so we couldn't share clothes, and she more extroverted and "normal," so we were on different wavelengths. But she was still a good sister for sure, and even better now.)

[Andrea Penrose]

Thanks, Becky!

Foundation is a good way of putting it. The shared experiences growing up are something so solid and essential to who you both are that the foundation of that relationship can withstand whatever storm Life brings.

[Andrea Penrose]

Mary Jo, the closeness now id perhaps even better than a closeness as adolescents/teen. The sharing of life experiences and one another's wisdom is so very rich and rewarding.

[Isobel Carr]

I'm an only child who happens to have siblings. MUCH younger siblings (12 and 16 years between us). It's only now that they're adults that they're starting to feel like siblings and not like random little strangers who showed up in my house! My sister more (the oldest of them) more so than my brother, who I admit still feels rather like my own kid.

[Mary Jo Putney]

Plus, we laugh at each other's jokes. *G*

[Barbara Elness]

I have two sisters, the older one I'm very close to - we enjoy the same things and have a lot in common. The younger sister just has different interests than I do, but we still talk and it's nice to see her when I'm in town visiting where I stay at my older sister's house. Since I'm the middle sister, I'm usually in the middle when it comes to my sister's relationship, that's where things get complicated. I do enjoy reading books with sisters featured in them and I look forward to reading your Hellions of High Street books. I enjoyed the Her Majesty's Secret Servants series by Allison Chase, which features three sisters.

[Andrea Penrose]

That IS a big gap, Isobel, so no wonder there wasn't a lot of sibling bonding earlier. It must be rather fun now to find common ground as the differences in life experiences becomes smaller.

[Andrea Penrose]

Oh, I hear you about the middle sister! I often was mediator between my older and younger brothers when they had misunderstandings. It definitely can get complicated!

I haven't read Allison Chase's Secret Servants series,but it sounds fun!

[Jenny]

No brothers/no sisters Cara/Andrea, but I did have really good friends. When very small three boys lived next door. Then they moved and an only girl moved in and we were friends and we had a friend, one of six children, who lived across the street. Then off to an all girls boarding school. Its not until I read all the comments above that I discover I have no real idea about being one of a family of siblings. Unfortunately it is too late to find out now so I will just have to imagine, all you lucky people.

[Roseanna Crawford]

I have 5 sisters and 3 brothers. The sisters are closer than the brothers. Three of my sisters live close, so we get together pretty regularly. My sisters
are my best friends. As adults, we get along much better and really enjoy each others company. Don't know what I would do without my sisters.

[Andrea Penrose]

Jenny, I have other "only child" friends who muse about that too. You missed a lot of the "sturm und drang" of sibling rivalries and spats. But the elemental sense of connection is something that transcends the negatives. However, you had your own set of unique experiences. That's what Life is all about.

[Andrea Penrose]

Five sisters! You are right out of P&P! How nice that you all really enjoy each other's company now. (I can well imagine that growing up wasn't the easiest to deal with all the different relationships)

[Janga]

Deborah Tannen describes sisterhood as “the coming together of connection and competition.” I find that accurate regarding my relationship with my sister who has long been one of my best friends. Like Jane and Lizzy, we have often spent "half the night . . . in conversation." She's my most honest critic and my most enthusiastic cheerleader.

It's not surprising that Jane Austen wrote so well about the bonds of sisterhood. She and her sister Cassandra seem to have been friends and confidantes. Heyer didn't have sisters, but she captures the varieties of sisters well in Arabella, Frederica, Sprig Muslin, and The Convenient Marriage. My favorite sisters in romance fiction include Eloisa James's Essex sisters, Anne Gracie's Merridew sisters, Mary Balogh's Huxtables, and Lisa Kleypas's Hathaways in historical romance and Nora Roberts's Concannons and Susan Mallery's Marcellis in contemporary.

[Isobel Carr]

It really is. I made my sister and sister-in-law's wedding gowns, so that was a nice bit of bonding. And the younger sibs are very close, which is sweet.

[Annette N]

I find it fascinating to read about sibling relationships. I believe Jane Austen did such a good job because she enjoyed her family relationships so very much. That was not only a blessing for Jane, but just think of how very much those relationships have shown to be blessings for all of us who are readers of her books.

[Donna]

Becky,
I love your "foundation" analogy!

[Donna]

An interesting post and some very interesting comments today! I'm the oldest of six with four brothers and one sister. My sister is the 3rd and dreaded middle child, and is five years younger than I am. We weren't particularly close growing up (too much age difference), and although we are very different people, we are close as adults.

But your comment regarding sharing "hopes, fears, and dreams" made me realize that I don't (and never have) shared those with my sister - I share them with my brothers. But in different ways - with #4 we talk of practical, down-to-earth things: politics, the economy, business, etc. And he has a wicked, scathing sense of humor. With #5, we talk metaphysics and spiritual issues that neither of us would share with the rest of the family. And with the baby, #6, we talk and share on more of a variety of things, and in many ways, he's the most sensitive of my brothers.

Of course I love Austen's siblings, and in more recent writing, I've enjoyed Balogh's siblings in her Bedwyn series and Burrowe's siblings in the Windham books.

[Mary Chen]

I have never considered much of how well Jane Austen portrays sibling relationships, especially that of sisters, until I read this post, so it was very insightful for me to take in.

I am an only child, and I have friends who are like family to me. Upon reflection, though, I do not think I would have liked living with siblings in a boisterous household. In fiction, I enjoy reading books in which a sisterly relationship is featured, and the Chance Sisters series by Anne Gracie is one I like that has both real and created sisters, with great bonding.

[Debbie Lou M]

I am blessed to have 3 sisters. The bond between us has always been close. As we have grown older, we have all moved back with in 15 miles from each other so we have got to share and enjoy more times together. I do enjoy reading of sisters, mostly where all sisters are strong, indepentant personalities.

[Andrea Penrose]

Janga, those "half the night" conversations are what I think I miss most. I've had them with best friends from college, but it's not quite the same.

I love your list of literary sisters. Anne Gracie's Merridew, Lis Kleypas's Hathaways and Eloisa James's Essex sisters are some of my favorites too. And Heyer of course.

And excellent point about Jane and Cassandra!

[Andrea Penrose]

SO true, Annette. Jane really did seem to have a very close relationships with all her siblings.

[Andrea Penrose]

Donna, that's so interesting about sharing different close things with different siblings. How nice that the sum is you can talk about with all of them about things that matter. .

[Andrea Penrose]

That sounds wonderful, Debbie Lou. How nice to be so close and get to be together often.

[Vicki]

I'm the oldest of 5 girls spread over 10 years and the relationships between all of us change. Growing up, I was the bossy big sister. As well, the next two were close enough that they had shared friends/interests. The last 2 were usually paired together as well so often I felt odd man out.

Not that we didn't play and get along together but I don't remember talking about hopes/dream/boys/etc. With my youngest sister it took a long time before I felt like she wasn't my child since I babysat her, etc, so much when she was little.

But as we've gotten older, we've all kind of reached the same age mentally and enjoy spending time together. We try to have at least one sister's only outing each year so we connect in a different way than when we do family outings.

About 20 years ago, we had all kind of drifted apart because we had gone in too many different directions. So we decided to have a sisters weekend. Just us, no spouses, no children. We actually had to have a conversation jug to keep the conversation going! The next year, not as much. And now..never, we always have something to talk about.

We as a family have been very lucky that we all LIKE each other and enjoy spending time together.

As for the Hathaway sisters, LOVE them. And Eloisa James' sisters. And love love love basically all of Georgette Heyer's books ...

[Glenda]

I've got an older sister. We aren't the closest sisters ever, but pretty close even with several states between us. She has her moments when she forgets that I am an adult and perfectly able to take care of myself. ;-)

[Lili]

I have 2 sisters and 1 brother. We are a close knit family although we are spread across the globe. I love my brother but there is nothing quite like that level of trust that I share with my sisters. We are all so very different in personality but that helps us gain different perspectives to any given situation... And we value our differences. I can rely on my sisters to be there for me no matter what.

[Lili]

I have to add there is no-one else who can push my buttons as they can either... :-)

[Vicki]

I was totally excited to find out I won. Thanks so much and I look forward to reading the first book, Scandalously Yours.