A Wench Classic: Three Good Things

It's time for another Wench Classic--a post from our past that deserves to be trotted out for its timely message.  With the holidays upon us, it's prime time for stress.  Here's a blast from the past (2006, to be exact) from Mary Jo, with some good advice on dealing with stress.  ~Sherrie

by Mary Jo   

There’s lots of warm fuzzy sentiment in the air just now, most of it generated by the multiple holidays at this season.  (Happy Winter Solstice to everyone!)  There’s lots of gatherings with family and friends, often presents and parties, and waaaaaaay too much unhealthy but delicious food and drink on offer. 

It’s a good season—but for many of us, stress levels are off the scale.  I had my hair done today, and my lovely and efficient hair stylist was dealing with the considerable demands of being a business owner, wife, mother, grandmother, serious church volunteer, providing refreshments for clients and providing meals for her staff.  She was two clients behind when she finished me, and it was still morning. Part of this was because a long time client had to be squeezed in because of a death in the family.  My stylist will survive and even enjoy the holidays, but relaxed?  Not hardly!

And there are worse stresses, like the client who had just lost her nephew.  Like the writer friend who posted that her family has just found out that her son-in- law’s return from Iraq has been moved further away—and his unit will redeploy there after six months back in the States.   

Even with less dramatic circumstances, holidays can be a letdown that don’t live up to our hopes and expectations.  Our nearest and dearest can get on our nerves, and family relationships that are already tense can go into meltdown.  Not to mention the traditional arguments about whose family to visit, and the conflicts in mixed religion households. 

So I’m here to offer, if not a cure, at least a palliative.  <G>  Jo recently mentioned a study she’d read about that showed that even pessimistic people started feeling happier if they did exercises that required them to write down positive things in their lives, events and people they were grateful for, times when they felt good about themselves.  Consciously appreciating and thinking positive even raised their happiness scale six months down the road.

A simple form of this exercise is to relax and think of three good things that happened to you today.  Maybe you can do it when you go to bed, rather than thinking of all the stuff that needs to be done tomorrow.  Only three good things. 

Here are some examples.

1) Two days ago, I got around to hanging my bird feeder, and all of a sudden I have beautiful birds munching a foot and a half from my dining room window.  This morning I glanced out the next window, and there in the midst of lush rhododendron greenery was a brilliant red cardinal, less than five feet away from me and looking like a Christmas card as he waited patiently for his turn.

Actually, maybe he wasn’t patient, maybe he was plotting a hostile takeover of the birdfeeder and a terrorization of finches, but he sure looked pretty!  Often we get too busy to appreciate nature, but even a single image like this can leave me smiling.  Look for nature, and enjoy it. 

2) Another good thing: while on the way to my hairdresser, I tuned to a radio show where a woman called in on a rather scratchy cell phone to say that she was a teacher taking her students into Gettysburg to see Charlotte’s Web, and could the DJ play something the kids could sing to?  His voice warm, he said, “Of course!”  Within seconds, the first notes of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer were sounding through my car.  The thought of a whole busload of little kids happily singing along put another smile on my face.

3) After I left the hair salon, looking as spiffy as I’m capable of <g>, I had a holiday lunch with a friend.  Most of the restaurants around were jam packed with people doing the same, and offices having holiday parties, so we ended up in a new little Italian restaurant I’d never seen before.  Good food, good company, a good time.

I could go on—lots more than three good things happened today.  (Along with a few not so good, but we won’t go there. <g>)  But thinking of the good stuff makes me feel lighter and happier.

So that’s your assignment for the holiday.  Think of three good things every day.  Maybe more.  And perhaps that will lift your mood, relieve some stress, and make the holidays—and regular days—easier and more enjoyable. 

And yes, you can count a perfect piece of chocolate as A Very Good Thing!

Mary Jo

by Mary Jo   

There’s lots of warm fuzzy sentiment in the air just now, most of it generated by the multiple holidays at this season.  (Happy Winter Solstice to everyone!)  There’s lots of gatherings with family and friends, often presents and parties, and waaaaaaay too much unhealthy but delicious food and drink on offer. 

It’s a good season—but for many of us, stress levels are off the scale.  I had my hair done today, and my lovely and efficient hair stylist was dealing with the considerable demands of being a business owner, wife, mother, grandmother, serious church volunteer, providing refreshments for clients and providing meals for her staff.  She was two clients behind when she finished me, and it was still morning. Part of this was because a long time client had to be squeezed in because of a death in the family.  My stylist will survive and even enjoy the holidays, but relaxed?  Not hardly!

And there are worse stresses, like the client who had just lost her nephew.  Like the writer friend who posted that her family has just found out that her son-in- law’s return from Iraq has been moved further away—and his unit will redeploy there after six months back in the States.   

Even with less dramatic circumstances, holidays can be a letdown that don’t live up to our hopes and expectations.  Our nearest and dearest can get on our nerves, and family relationships that are already tense can go into meltdown.  Not to mention the traditional arguments about whose family to visit, and the conflicts in mixed religion households. 

So I’m here to offer, if not a cure, at least a palliative.  <G>  Jo recently mentioned a study she’d read about that showed that even pessimistic people started feeling happier if they did exercises that required them to write down positive things in their lives, events and people they were grateful for, times when they felt good about themselves.  Consciously appreciating and thinking positive even raised their happiness scale six months down the road.

A simple form of this exercise is to relax and think of three good things that happened to you today.  Maybe you can do it when you go to bed, rather than thinking of all the stuff that needs to be done tomorrow.  Only three good things. 

Here are some examples.

1) Two days ago, I got around to hanging my bird feeder, and all of a sudden I have beautiful birds munching a foot and a half from my dining room window.  This morning I glanced out the next window, and there in the midst of lush rhododendron greenery was a brilliant red cardinal, less than five feet away from me and looking like a Christmas card as he waited patiently for his turn.

Actually, maybe he wasn’t patient, maybe he was plotting a hostile takeover of the birdfeeder and a terrorization of finches, but he sure looked pretty!  Often we get too busy to appreciate nature, but even a single image like this can leave me smiling.  Look for nature, and enjoy it. 

2) Another good thing: while on the way to my hairdresser, I tuned to a radio show where a woman called in on a rather scratchy cell phone to say that she was a teacher taking her students into Gettysburg to see Charlotte’s Web, and could the DJ play something the kids could sing to?  His voice warm, he said, “Of course!”  Within seconds, the first notes of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer were sounding through my car.  The thought of a whole busload of little kids happily singing along put another smile on my face.

3) After I left the hair salon, looking as spiffy as I’m capable of <g>, I had a holiday lunch with a friend.  Most of the restaurants around were jam packed with people doing the same, and offices having holiday parties, so we ended up in a new little Italian restaurant I’d never seen before.  Good food, good company, a good time.

I could go on—lots more than three good things happened today.  (Along with a few not so good, but we won’t go there. <g>)  But thinking of the good stuff makes me feel lighter and happier.

So that’s your assignment for the holiday.  Think of three good things every day.  Maybe more.  And perhaps that will lift your mood, relieve some stress, and make the holidays—and regular days—easier and more enjoyable. 

And yes, you can count a perfect piece of chocolate as A Very Good Thing!

Mary Jo

Comments

[LadyDoc]

I have a "gratitude journal" that I write in intermittently- and should do more often. My note to myself on the front page says: "I was told 'if you write down five things you are grateful for every day, your life will get better'. Well, I did and it did!"

[Anne Gracie]

Mary Jo, I think this is a wonderful idea. I met some friends for Christmas lunch yesterday and we took it in turns to tell the group the best thing that had happened to us in the year. Now I know some of these people have had a pretty grim year, but doing this really put a different spin on things and it really cheered us all up.
Inspired by your post and LadyDoc, I'm going to do it in my writing journal on a regular basis.
Thanks

[MaryJoPutney]

From MJP:

LadyDoc, thanks for the testimony on how this can work! There's been research on how positive attitude helps our lives, and your gratitude journal is way to put that into action.

Anne, I also like your idea of the author group talking about the best things that happened to them, and how it put a different spin on the year. This could be in a family, too. It's so easy to focus on "Income is down and we can't afford Christmas presents this year" instead of "we're all happy, none of the kids are doing drugs, and mortgage is a nice steady fixed rate."

Mary Jo, starting her mental list with "1) I'm having lunch with a friend, and 2) Reggie T. Cat climbed halfway up the Christmas tree without bringing it down. :)"

[Gretchen F]

This last week before Christmas break, I let all of my K-8 art classes(yes, even the eighth grade!) play with playdough and cookie cutters and rolling pins instead of working on a lesson. And I bought chocolate bells so each child can have a little treat (mighty little, but with 500 kids it was eleven bags of candy!) Now all of these kids are from affluent homes, or at least very comfortable. They have their own computers and VCR's and I don't know what. But they all were delighted with a small piece of chocolate and said thank you. They made pizzas and turtles and cookies and snakes and snowmen out of playdough and giggled and had fun. I'm grateful I have a great job with great students and this is positively my favorite time of year!

[piper]

I haven't been here in ages it seems, but what a lovely theme to return to.

Things that made me happy today: The temperature has risen 10 degrees to a balmy -11C!! Yes, we are having a heat wave!

The cold and sinus medication has significantly reduced the pressure in my sinuses. Maybe tomorrow I'll be fit to return to work!

And in a scant 5 days, the days will start getting longer......the count down is on.

[Sharon Archer]

Hi Mary Jo

Thank you for this - it such a great idea and so simple! And we need to remind ourselves of our good fortune - it can be far too easy to let the doldrums take over sometimes.

Anne, great blog and that Christmas lunch was fab, wasn't it!

Thanks for having Mary Jo to visit, Wordwenches!

:)
Sharon (putting the "three-good-things" on my New Year resolutions ... but I'll start practising now!)

[maryjputney]

From MJP:

Gretchen, what a great teacher you are! YOu showed those kids how simple things can be special, and you encouraged their imaginations. What a gift to them.

Piper, I'm with you in looking forward to lengthening days! The winter solstice, celebrating the return of the sun. Where are you that's so cold, and in Centigrade, yet?!!

Sharon, I think a good place to start on improving attitude, apart from listing three good things, is minimizing exposure to news, esp. from the TV. News media adore extremes, and watching too much "Look, Henny Penny, the sky's falling in!" is NOT good for mood!

Mary Jo, happy to be inside, warm and dry, and with two snoozing cats within view

[Janga]

I think we need this reminder even more at the end of 2008 than we did in 2006, Mary Jo. Thank you!

Today a friend dropped by fried apple pies she made for me just because I've been a bit under the weather. I got a Christmas card with a long note from an old friend that I haven't heard from in three years. I watched a four-year-old laughing so hard he couldn't stand up straight at the antics of a couple of squirrels. I have much to remind me life is good.

[michelle douglas]

What a beautiful post, Mary Jo. I have so much to be thankful for... and yet this is the time of year when it seems hardest to remember that.

Thank you!

Another interesting journalling exercise I've discovered is to write down what you consider the most important thing that happened to you during the day. This can be kind of surprising... and revealing too.

Wishing everyone the merriest of Christmases :-)

Michelle Douglas (who from now to the end of the year means to fall asleep thinking of 3 good things that have happened to her through the day)

[maryjputney]

From MJP:

Michelle--the most important thing that happened during the day? That's an interesting thought. I must try it.

Whether it's three good things, the best thing in the last year, or the most important thing in the day--all of these are exercises in mindfulness. "Be here now." Living in, and appreciating, the moment rather than in the past of the future.

Like most of us, I need to be reminded of this regularly!

Mary Jo