Modern Inconveniences

From Loretta:
      
As maybe one or two of you will recall, Tobias Smollett’s THE EXPEDITION OF HUMPHREY CLINKER was one of the Important British Novels I never got around to reading . 

Given my limited reading time, and how difficult it is to find all the details I want about early 19th C gondolas, I reckoned the chances of my reading this book very small indeed.  It seemed far more likely that I would go out onto the high seas on a rubber raft searching for killer whales or traverse a suspension bridge high above a river that kills one or two people a year.  The likelihood of my doing either of these things--given that, unlike my heroines, I am not Nature Girl or Country Girl or Adventure Girl--was, I confidently assumed, less than zero.
      Um.
      Here is a picture of me in my safety suit, preparatory to climbing into a large rubber-raft like thing called a zodiac boat.  And here’s me on the suspension bridge at the killer river.
      In short, for my spring break, I went to Vancouver, and acted like someone I’m not:  Adventure Girl.
      I had lots of fun, met some interesting people, and had a few surprises--like the day I wandered into the art museum and discovered a fabulous Canadian photographer.
      One of the best parts, though, was being computer and email free for eight whole days.  Oh, my husband took his laptop, but I tried that once last year, and it was like trying to type with my feet.  No thanks.  I was glad to kiss my computer good-bye.
      To me, email is a blessing and a curse.  It’s become a crucial part of my life; it’s made so many things easier--and yet it eats up so much of my life.  It’s one of those inconvenient modern necessities.
       So here is HUMPHREY CLINKER, which tells, not in email but in letters, what happens to Mr. Matthew Bramble’s family party as they travel through England and Scotland in about 1770.  Mr. Bramble, a not-young bachelor, is something of a hypochondriac and a hypersensitive soul.  But it seems to me that the way he views his world is very much the way I, coming from the 21st century, would view it.
      For instance, when visiting Bath, I did wonder how those Georgians could all climb into the same big pool of hot water with other people who had every disease under the sun.  Wasn’t anybody squeamish about this?  Yes, Mr. Bramble was.  He was thinking more or less what I was thinking:  “We know not what sores may be running into the water while we are bathing, and what sort of matter we may thus imbibe; the king’s evil, the scurvy, the cancer, and the pox.”
      OTOH, I did have happy images of milkmaids carrying their fresh milk through the streets of London.  Mr. Bramble set me straight, reminding me that these were open pails of milk, “exposed to foul rinsings, discharged from doors and windows...overflowings  from mud carts, spatterings from coach wheels...”  And that’s the clean part of the journey.
      I’d assumed, too, that if one lives in a smelly world, one becomes inured to it.  Not Mr. Bramble.  He’s lived in Wales, on his idyllic estate (which sounds a lot like my Lithby Hall, in NOT QUITE A LADY), for most of his life.  Accustomed to fresh country air and open spaces, he finds Bath suffocating and sickening:  “Imagine to yourself a high exalted essence of mingled odours, arising from putrid gums, imposthumated lungs, sour flatulencies, rank armpits, sweating feet, running sores and issues, plasters, ointments, and embrocations, hungary-water, spirit of lavender, assafoetida drops, musk, hartshorn, and sal volatile...such...is the fragrant aether we breathe in the polite assemblies of Bath.”
      Very likely, were we to visit an assembly at Bath in 1771, we’d feel the same.  Traveling anywhere in 1771, we’d all probably miss modern hygiene.  And that would merely be the beginning of a very long list of things we’d miss from 21st century life.
      But what wouldn’t we miss?
      For my part, I wouldn’t be shedding any tears over my computer, email, phones, and car.
      What about you?  If you were to travel back in time, to the 18th or early 19th century, what modern (in)conveniences would you miss the least?

Comments

[Kimmy]

The least modern inconveniences, well lets see: cell phone, kids video games, fast foods(I love cooking) b/c the fast foods make me and the kids lazy.

[Jane O]

The list of things I WOULD miss is probably a lot shorter: central heating, indoor plumbing (and that would take care of a lot of the stench and lack of hygiene), and computers (Sorry, I am very fond of my computer. I keep coming across all sorts of odd and intriguing bits of information. Only yesterday I made the acquaintance of Jane Digby).
Cars probably top the list of things I would NOT miss. Then there are all the loud mechanical noises — leaf blowers, jack hammers, and on and on and on.

[Nina P]

Wow, Wench Loretta, this was a tough post to read while eating breakfast. Mr. Clinker's blending of stench was quite vivid. GACK! It was also educational. Assafoetida drops... read putrefied parsley juice concentrate. Oh, yeah! Now that’s what I want to smell while on vacation. Not!

On things I would miss the least... florescent lights. The buzz makes my head hurt and the emitted spectrum of light makes my eyes ache. Give me natural light. Another thing I would not miss is my watch, along with my alarm clock. Too much pressure on the psyche. IMHO, if it were important for us to know what time it was every second of every day, God would have put a digital readout behind one of our eyes. I gave up my watch about two months ago. The choice has done wonders for my stress level.

Nina

[Maggie Robinson]

Humphrey lives up to his name, doesn't he? Fabulous persnickety post.

Since I don't watch TV now, I wouldn't miss it then. But I do think I'd miss the variety, availability and affordability of books and other reading material the MOST. I'm sorry, I took the college Shakespeare course and all, but I can't see myself curling up in front of the fire with Troilus and Cressida or reading fascinating farming treatises (like in NQAL).

I would not miss the phone, though. Or malls, strip or otherwise. Or fast food. Or gossip 24/7 passed off as news.

[kay]

I would not miss telephones, or cell phones and the people who aren't able to drive from work to home without talking on a cell phone. I wouldn't miss the loud music blaring from cars or car alarms.

[Cathy Leming]

I'd love to return to the days of letter writing. I'm old enough to still remember how fun it was to receive a letter from a traveling friend. Now, they just shoot you an e-mail or ring you up on their cell phone and tell you about the pyramids... or the glacier they're on :o\

I'd not miss fast food or the over-stimulating computer games for kids.

If I lived in the clean air country, I'd manage with hygiene. If there's a will there's a way, and I'd not miss much else.

After all, we only want what others have, and if no one else had designer shoes, we'd settle for the expert cobbler in the village, happily.

[Patricia Rice]

yes, Cathy, but if others had shoes made in London, they'd be far superior to the village shoes... People will be people no matter what the age. Still, I'd not miss the constant commercialism of television and radio that drives that need to have everything bigger and better.

And I'd definitely not miss phones. If people had something they wanted to tell me, they'd by dadgum walk the mile and think twice before interrupting me!

Tough question, Loretta! Much easier to reverse and ask what we would miss. You would have to turn it inside out!

[Beth]

Was that the Capilano Suspension Bridge you went across, by any chance? My hat is off to you, if so. That bridge almost made me disgrace myself (to put it politely) before I finally just sucked it up and went across. And I was kid then. I don't think I could do it now.

What wouldn't I miss? Commuting. One wouldn't have to commute to go to their jobs.

What would I miss? I'd miss the relative ease in finding, buying and reading books. I imagine books were much more expensive then, relatively.

-Beth

[LorettaChase]

Beth, my DH took pity on me. It wasn't the Capilano but the Lyn Canyon suspension bridge. A bit lower, and, I'm told, not so rickety-looking as the Capilano bridge, but less touristy, free, and incredibly beautiful. I'm not sure, as a kid, I could have got across either one. I was deeply terrified of heights, and would have lost my breakfast merely contemplating it.

[Maureen]

The thing I would miss the least has to be the cell phone. They are the rudest invention ever. People standing in line in front of you having a loud conversation that you don't want to hear but have no choice.

[Susan Wilbanks]

I'm going to be contrary and say I *would* miss my cell phone and the internet more than just about anything but modern medicine. I was thinking about that one day when I was writing a scene set 1815-ish when a brother in England was reading a letter from his sister in India and hoping she was still as well and happy as she was 4 months ago when the letter was written. That same day, I got a phone call from my husband, at a conference over 1000 miles away, calling from his cell phone to taunt me that he was about to eat Chick-Fil-A, which is my favorite junk food but is unavailable in Seattle. And I realized I really love the modern immediacy of communication. I don't have to worry that my husband is OK when he's halfway across the country, because he takes his cell phone wherever he goes.

As for what I *wouldn't* miss...pagers. I have to have one for my new job, and it's the one thing I really dislike about it. I guess they're cousins to cell phones, but they're just so much more INSISTENT somehow, possibly because I've always been pretty strict about keeping my cell phone for personal use only and not handing the number out willy-nilly.

[Sherrie Holmes]

From Sherrie:
Oh, boy, what I *wouldn't* miss! I wouldn't miss cell phones, but then I've never owned one. And I hate regular phones, too. Nor would I miss TV, because I gave mine away decades ago. Well, OK, I inherited my mom's TV when she died in 2003, but I use it as a plant stand.

I wouldn't miss intrusions into my personal life. This covers a wide spectrum, from screechy radio commercials and incessantly barking and trespassing dogs, to people aggressively handing out sample tastes in grocery stores; to Girl Scout cookie sellers and other charities parked directly in front of the only entrance/exit to grocery stores (she said in a curmudgeonly tone); to Salvation Army bellringers (I always donate, but during Christmas they're in front of *every* store!).

I have a love/hate relationship with e-mail, and would not miss it at all. I would not miss cars--have always wished during my working years in Corporate America that I could ride my horse to work. I wouldn't miss rap music, but I would desperately miss the instant availability of music of all kinds on my radio or CD player.

I wouldn't miss the offensive and often totally unnecessary intrusions into my private finances and my medical and mental history. I wouldn't miss frivolous lawsuits and outrageous settlements. I wouldn't miss overpopulation and the resultant stress-induced rudeness, including some horrifying examples of road rage that I've witnessed.

I wouldn't miss paper towels and microwave ovens--2 products that created a need where one never existed before. (Once you have them, you can't do without) *g* I wouldn't miss the confusing and totally silly multiple versions of any given product--all I want is a plain potholder, not a NASA-approved space age heat reflective micro-fiber patented hot dish transportation system that comes in a bewildering number of sub-varieties and designer colors coordinated to integrate with (not match!) your dish towels, your kitchen floor, and your June Cleaver pearl necklace.

[Melissa]

I would not miss cell phones, loud TV commercials (or most TV shows), telemarketers, modern 'music' on the radio or the ubiquitous iPods.

I would miss my private library, easy access to lots of fresh food year-round, and modern medicine. And I'm slightly embarassed to admit it, I'd miss surfing the Internet. :)

[Jane George]

Good for you, Sherrie! Cell phones are like electronic leashes, aren't they? Sheesh, I'm not even that available to myself most of the time. LOL

My ring tone is the Mission Impossible theme, to remind me that I may choose NOT to accept that mission!

I would not miss road rage.

I would miss the ready availability of music. A lot.

PS, I pictured Hugh Laurie delivering those lines describing the delights of Bath.

[Elaine McCarthy]

I would not miss junk mail, and DEFINITELY not telephone solicitors! I would not miss Jehovah's Witnesses at my door, or Musak, or the constant hum of the machinery that runs our lives (though I would definitely miss my refrigerator). I would not miss the endless paperwork of being an ordinary human being; insurance forms, tax forms, the wodges of mind-numbingly dull stuff that one's retirement system churns out. I would not miss the stink of small gas engines (leaf blowers, lawn mowers) and of exhaust. I would not miss global warming. I would LOVE not hearing about Paris Hilton every day! (She's sort of the Prinny of this year, yes?) I would not miss deep-fried anything; OK, I would, but it would be good for me not to have it! I would not miss rap thumping out of passing cars, nor the nervous-making whup-whup-whup of police helicopters overhead in the evenings. I would not miss CNN! Or the NFL or baseball! OR THE WORLD WRESTLING FEDERATION'S ADS! I would not miss the thousand importunate strangers clammoring for my attention/money every day.

Hm; this lengthy list is making me sound like a curmudgeon.

If a time traveler could come from there to here, s/he would probably be as appalled by our reality as we would be by his/hers. Yet I would still be willing to try it. Good thing there's imagination, at least until they invent that time machine.

[Kalen Hughes]

I think you'd have to go waaaaay back to get away from deep-fried food. LOL!

The thing I would NEVER miss: car alarms. These are simply the worst invention of all time IMO. Every time one goes off in the middle of the night, or on a lazy Sunday afternoon I’m overwhelmed with the urge to run outside with a sledge hammer and give that car something to sound off about!

Today the thing I wouldn’t miss the most would be jackhammers. I’m so tired of the work taking place outside my office. It seems like there’s ALWAYS something being torn up within a one block radius. *sigh*

Of course the past had its own noise pollution . . .

[TexBeth]

Our modern wardrobe--I would miss the availability of fresh laundry. I already miss it one trips where one is obliged to pack lots into limited luggage!

[maryjoputney]

I'm glad to know that someone in the past was questioning the health of bathing with people who had all kinds of diseases! Though maybe the minerals killed the microbes.

So many of today's irritations have a plus side. I loathe cell phones, especially when I'm subjected to someone else loud, tedious conversation, and when I see people driving and yammering on their phones at the same time, I want to see them busted.

Yet if I'm traveling and really need to make a call, that dusty cell phone in the bottom of my handbag is awfully useful. I hate hearing boomboxes from cars, but I sure wouldn't want to give up the wonderful ocean of music available to us whenever we want it.

I'd miss my computer like crazy--not only did it give me my second career (writing), but e-mail connects me with so many friends. (Even as it eats up my life!)

Like Elaine, I think I'm happy with the pluses and minuses of the era I'm used to. :)

Mary Jo