Love at first. . . sniff?

No, we're not talking werewolf romance here. I've got a love at first sight scene that I've been toying with -- putting it in, taking it out... I love that moment in a romance where the hero and heroine's eyes first meet... and they might not know it's lerve... but we-the readers do. 

While I was dithering over my own scene, I was thinking about how I was recently interviewed on the radio, and one of the questions the interviewer asked me was whether I believed in love at first sight. 

I said I did. She was surprised but she laughed and said, "That's what I get for asking a romance writer. So has it happened to you?" I said no it hadn't, but it had happened to a few people I know, including my parents, an aunt and uncle, and a few others. "Really? "she said. "It doesn't just happen in books?"

So I told her about my aunt and uncle. My uncle Stan was in the army with my dad. They were posted overseas. One day Stan saw a photo of my dad's kid sister. "She's a bit of all right," he told Dad. "I might write to her."
'You'll do nothing of the sort," said big brother Dad. "She's not even sixteen yet." 

Unbeknownst to my dad, Stan wrote to my aunt the minute she turned sixteen. He introduced himself and sent her a photo of him. Unbeknownst to my (very strict) grandmother and my dad, my aunt wrote back. The secret correspondence flourished, and two years later, when the guys were back in Australia, and both were on leave at the same time, Stan decided he'd travel down with Dad and take in the sights of Melbourne. (Stan was from Sydney.)

Two weeks later my aunt and uncle were engaged and as soon as they could talk Nana and my dad around, they were married. It was a long, happy and loving marriage. My aunt said she knew for sure the moment she met him. I love that story.

I think that immediate "coupe de foudre" as the French refer to it, probably happens to a lot more of us, but then fizzles out pretty quickly. Love at first sight is something you might feel in those first few minutes of meeting someone, but only time proves you right. When you meet that person who instantly sets your bells and whistles ringing, it's the first step. It's what happens afterward that determines whether it's really love, or just instant attraction. Does the other person feel the same? Are they responding, too? All that talking, all that eyeballing, and maybe the touching you do in the first little while — it's all trying to work out whether this is it, or not.

According to Wikipedia, "Research has shown two bases for love at first sight. The first is that the attractiveness of a person can be very quickly determined, with the average time in one study being 0.13 seconds. The second is that the first few minutes of a relationship have shown to be predictive of the relationship's future success, more so than what two people have in common or whether they like each other."

Some anthropologists have suggested it's to do with primitive mating habits of our long distant ancestors — in short, dangerous lives, we had only a short time to seize up and choose a mate that would give us a healthy child. Helen Fisher, an anthropologist known for her research on attraction and love, believes three minutes is all you need to know whether someone will be in your life for a while.

For some, it's love at first sight, but according to some researchers, it's also love at first sniff. Apparently pheromones play a strong role, but it's also to do with who would make the best mate for you. For that reason we often find the smell of people who are genetically close to us, less than attractive — nature's way of discouraging in-breeding. A friend of mine told me that once her sons hit puberty, she couldn't stand their smell.

Wikipedia quoted an article in The Economist about a famous study found that women who sniffed (freshly) sweaty shirts and ranked them in terms of attractiveness tended to rank shirts that belonged to the most genetically different men the highest. Their sniff test was amazingly successful inpredicting who would make a good genetic match. 

So there you go, you don't need to bother dating a guy — you just need to get a whiff of his sweaty T-shirt. (fresh sweat, not stale, please.) 

So what about you? Do you believe in love at first sight, or first smell, or do you think people are kidding themselves? Has it ever happened to you? Ever done the sniff test? How did you first meet your partner?

Comments

[theo]

In 1979 while I was working a speed shop, we'd just opened the doors to the new store when this tall, very tall, dark guy walked through the door. My first thought was, "Wow! I could wear heels around him and not see the top of his head!" (he's 6'5") The second was, "Wow...I'm going to marry that man."

I had to chase him for 6 months or so because he was painfully shy, but it's been 34 years now and I love him more than the first day I saw him so yes, absolutely, love at first sight is real and wonderful.

[Demon Testsdas]

Thanks for the great article..

[Anne Gracie]

Theo, gorgeous story. Thank you for sharing.

I once heard a very tall wife of a very tall former Australian Prime Minister) say that the day she met him she told her. . . someone -- sister? mother? friend? "That's the man I'm going to marry." And then he joined in and said that he saw her and thought, "That's her." It was a brilliant marriage, too.

And they say we (writers) just make stuff up. Pfft! ;)

[Margot]

I can't say that I believe in love at first sight. I believe in attraction at first sight, but I don't believe that this can actually be called love until the people know each other better.

[Susan/DC]

I'm with Margot and your post. I agree that instant attraction can occur (I've certainly felt that magnetic pull on meeting someone), but I think it takes longer to know if it's True Love. After all, con men are famously attractive or they wouldn't be successful, but time shows that they are actually the villains of the piece. And I remember learning that lesson in my early teens when I moved to a new school and saw a very handsome boy. It was love at first sight until I got to know him better and realized that, even though he was perfectly nice he was actually rather stupid. Maybe he was Mr. Right for someone else, but I moved on.

[Anne Gracie]

Margo, and Susan, that's what I meant when I said that I think a lot of us experience that love-at-first sight sensation, which then fizzles. It's only when that sensation continues to build and grow that we know it's love.

The modern term for it is chemistry.

[Jo Banks]

I agree Anne I think we probably all have experienced that Ah Yes ! feeling but its only when that grows with time that you can truly say I knew at first sight!So love at first sight is a sort of retrospective thing = if you see what I mean!But then thirty nine years on and despite occassionally wanting to murder him I do still get that Ah Yes feeling !

[Elizabeth Seckman]

Awesome story. Love it!

[Jo Beverley]

Interesting post, Anne! I agree that the thunderclap can happen, and though it might not stick I think it does more often than not if it's that strong.

I see a big difference between the instant attraction and the "I'm going to marry that person" which quite a lot of people record.

There must be something in the air, because the book I'm writing is tangled up in love at first sight. Both the hero -- an existing character -- and the heroine are the result of an insane passion that lasted and it's given them both a deep distrust of irrational attractions.

Jo

[Janga]

I believe in attraction at first sight, but I also know that it's possible to experience that zing for a person with whom you could never build a life. OTOH, my favorite uncle and his wife, who were hand-holding sweethearts for the more than sixty years of their marriage, always insisted that they knew immediately that they would spend their lives together. But I could also list half a dozen friends who once thought the same thing who are now divorced. So I think instant sizzle more often fizzles.

[Ella Quinn]

I do believe in love at first sight, even with one or both try to fight it.

[Donna]

I got a really good laugh when I read the head-line - "Love at First Sniff" as I had just left my favorite perfume blog.

Like several others have said, I believe it love at first sight in theory, but it's not something that I've experienced. I love reading about it, but in real life, I'm pretty cynical about love and men. :-(

Great post as always, Anne.

[Isobel Carr]

I think it’s only called “love at first sight” if it works out, LOL! I’ve certainly had that moment where I met the eyes of a stranger and thought, “Oh, man, this is it!” Sadly, he was a bit of a heel in the end (to put it mildly). But if it had worked out, I’m sure I would be telling that story as proof. I do know that we both felt it like a bolt before we’d exchanged so much a word. I would say it happens with friends too. I certainly felt an instant kinship with my bestie.

That said, my grandfather and my BFF’s dad both say they knew the instant they saw their wives that they were going to marry them (and my BFF’s dad was picking up his now wife’s college roommate for a date at the time!).

[LouisaCornell]

I do believe in love at first sight as I wouldn't be here without it. Your aunt and uncle's story is almost identical to that of my parents. My Dad was stationed in Germany with my Mom's two brothers. He saw a photo of my Mom on one of their desks and said "Who is the pretty girl?" They said "That's no girl. That's our sister." To which he replied, "Can't be. You two are too ugly to have a sister that pretty." He asked if he could write to her and they told him sure, but they doubted she would write back. He did. She did. They wrote to each other for a year - sometimes several times a week. My Dad bought an engagement ring and wedding band in Germany. He bought a set of silverware in England engraved with her first and last initial LJ and his last initial LJB. Apparently he was quite confident in spite of the fact he had neither met nor proposed to my Mom. He arrived home in New Jersey May 3rd. Traveled to Alabama by bus. Arrived in Alabama and met my Mom on May 4th. They had one date. They married May 11th and were married for forty years when my Dad died. And he said he knew the minute she said "Hello, Jim." he was going to marry her. I absolutely believe in the romance of the written word. It is the whole reason I am here.

[Mary Jo Putney]

I LOVE these love at first sight stories! Your aunt and uncle, Theo's, Louisa's. Though I must also admit that it only works as proof if it lasts, and attraction at first sight but not lasting is a lot more common.

Come to think of it, the book I'm writing now is a love at first sight book...