Fried by August

By Susan/Miranda

Don't know what the weather'€™s like in your neck of the woods, but here in eastern Pennsylvania, we are definitely in the deepest, dirtiest Dog Days of summer.  Each afternoon the temperature flirts with triple-digits, the sky'€™s an unchanging swampy grey, and the humidity is more appropriate to the bottom of an aquarium than any human habitat. 

By now the fresh white t-shirts bought in April are limp and stained with Popsicle juice, and bathing suits are pilled with those little weird fuzzy things.  Cats and dogs lie pressed flat to the bathroom floor, children and spouses are whiny and disagreeable, and the pink cosmos by the front door are nodding thick with Japanese beetles, despite the pricey beetle trap hanging right nearby.  Summer reading lists are belatedly rearing their ugly heads, and so (already!) is the nearby Halloween Adventure. 

Let'€™s not mince words, Dear Readers.  In these parts, August stinks.

To make matters worse, I, like about half of the other Wenches, have Deadlines in early fall. Deadlines that once seemed reasonable and achievable back in the distant time when contracts were signed, deadlines that now loom like the Grim Reaper himself, like the darkest harbingers of editorial despair and futility, like the -- well, enough already. I'€™ve only got, oh, roughly a bazillion pages to write between now and the first of October. 

Which is why, this week, I'm presenting only a final iconic portrait of Barbara, Countess of Castlemaine. I don't know if I should be offering apologies to Sir Peter Lely, or Matt Groening, or both (and many thanks to the Cherries over at the Cherry Forum Book Discussion of Royal Harlot for putting this into my head.)

Just blame it on August.

So what about you?  Are you weary of summer, too?  Sick of too much air conditioning and overdone barbecue?  Feeling more than a little toasted by heat and humidity?  Or do you still have the same fond regard for the season in August that you did on Memorial Day?

Comments

[Maggie Robinson]

I got the dreaded "back to school" letter from my principal yesterday, and may I say I wanted to burn it on the grill and stomp the ashes?

I'm at the point where I wish it would be summer all year long. I'll never be sick of it, although I've been like a slug in my garden (the beetles are far too lively and predatory).Maybe more structure will be useful. I never did do most of the goals I set for myself in June (like finish writing the last third of a book).

But if I still had school-age kids, I'd probably be counting the days until the yellow bus came and took them away! *g*

[Laura Vivanco]

Here in the UK we've had more rain than summer sunshine, so it'd be nice if it could actually get a little bit warm and sunny and stay that way for a few days in a row before it's officially autumn.

[PatRice]

You do have a way with words, Susan! Bottom of an aquarium, indeed. "G" Here in Missourie, it's been in the nineties all month, hitting 100 the last several days, and I believe the humidity is higher than the temperature. I love summer and sunshine, but humidity does not love me, so I'm trapped inside as if it were midwinter.

Laura, I'd gladly ship out some of this stuff to you if I could!

[LorettaChase]

Yes, it's the bottom of the aquarium in Massachusetts as well. I don't want summer to be over. I only want it to be more like it was earlier in the season: pleasantly warm but not oppressive. OTOH, this kind of weather does make the beach look appealing. An umbrella, a cold drink, and a stack of paperbacks in a basket. Mmmm.
And I do love Harlot Marge!

[Elaine McCarthy]

August has never been my tipple of choice, but here in Baltimore it's even worse than I remember it from my childhood in Connecticut. I wonder if the homicide rate went down when air conditioning became common?

The humidity here is so bad that leaving the house is like wading into a bowl of tomato soup. I got curious and bought a thing-you-measure-humidity-with, wanting scientific justification for my cry of "this humidity must be at least 99%!" Of course it's nowhere near that; the highest I've seen it is in the high 50's. Now I'm wondering what it would be like if it WERE 99%. Probably you would drown.

April may be the cruelest month, but August is no doubt the most brutal, at least at this latitude.

[Beth]

One last beach fling...
We're headed for Galveston with my fav books and movies, flip flops and family. Then it will be back to school!

[shscott21]

Maggie, are you a teacher, to still get "back to school" letters from the principal? (Or is it about that Physical Science text book you forgot to return in fourth grade? *g*) Teachers do regard summers differently, and I can't say I blame them!

Pat, my husband is from Kansas City, and I agree, you folks in Missouri KNOW heat/humidity. Can you imagine what it must have been like crossing the plains in a covered wagon in weather like this? Ugh, ugh, ugh, I'm so glad to be a 21st century Wench...

Laura, we here in the States would GLADLY send our heat to you! My Harlequin editor is in London, and she, too, is relaying a very different version of summer. Though I understand you had a lovely spring....
BTW, I'm the Wench who wrote about the first Duke and Duchess of Marlborough that you mentioned in your reply to Pat's blog. All I can say after following your link is my, my, that "aristocratic" blood surely has thinned over the last three hundred years! *g*

Elaine, I don't believe your humidity meter. I KNOW it's worse than that in Baltimore and Philadelphia, and the Weather Channel says so, too.

Beth, have fun in Galveston! I'm heading off to the beach with my family, too, but from what Loretta is reporting, Massachusetts won't be much better...

Susan/Miranda

[shscott21]

Loretta, thank you for noticing Lady Marge. Such are the misspent days of my summer, drawing bogus Simpson-versions of my cover!

BTW, there's a great time-waster on the Burger King site: www.simpsonizeme.com.

And yes, it does just that (though Lady Castlemaine confused the site so much, I had to freehand her. Did just fine with my author photo, though.)

HOURS of time-wasting fun.
Susan/Miranda

[Janga]

It's 99 here today; last night at 10:15 it was 84 with 74 % humidity--and our air conditioner died yesterday. We are buying a new unit, but it will not be installed until Saturday. I have four fans going just in my study, but it is still unbearable. I considered driving in to my office today, even though my presence on campus is not required until August 15. October can't get here soon enough for me.

Lest I sound as if I am doing nothing but whining, I too am charmed by Lady Marge,Susan. :)

[Jo Beverley]

Harlot Marge is hilarious, Susan! I think we need a whole line of romance covers done that way.

If anything, it's been too cool here. We had a high heat wave while I was in Dallas, but yesterday was almost fall -- overcast and cool.

BTW, appropos of nothing, Oprah's sailing around this area as guest of a local billionaire. Dropped into a small town that's mostly First Nations and joined in their Potlatch. You never know who's around up here in this beautiful part of the world.

Jo :)

[Bonnie]

I am weary of summer too. Here in Montana we have had record high temperatures since July and record low humitidity. The state is on fire literally. We have 22 active fires with 271,779 acres on fire in our state. The air is so filled with smoke that I can't see the mountains across the valley or the ones that I live at the base of. I want September with cooler temperatures and some sort of precipitation. No more lightning and thunderstorms, please!

[gillian]

I have to make myself think of good things in August, as I'm with Maggie R., my first day of school starts tomorrow. I may like the kiddos I work with, but going back after a summer of freedom is yuck.

I'm in Kansas, so it's hot, 52% humdity, 92 with a heat index of 102, but windy, thank goodness. Give me the gorgeous days of October, and fall clothes. I'm sick to death of my wilted summer wardrobe.

[Susan/DC]

Every year around this time my husband says the same thing: "I forgot how cranky you get in summer". I love the concept of summer, but high heat and humidity wring every ounce of energy out of me and all I seem able to do is whine about the weather. This year was different, however, as we finally installed central air conditioning in our almost 100 y.o. house. All was well until, like Janga's AC, it died on Monday, just as the current heat wave gathered steam. Luckily the repairman came out on Tuesday and discovered that it wasn't the mechanics but that we'd unknowingly spread mulch over the outlet for the water disposal (AC being almost as much about humidity reduction as cooling) when we did some major yardwork, so it had become clogged. Now we know and you can be sure we won't do it again -- a lesson learned the hard way. I'm happy to report I'm much better company now.

[shscott21]

Jo wrote: "Harlot Marge is hilarious, Susan! I think we need a whole line of romance covers done that way."

Jo, Jo, consider this horrible reality! Homer as the archetype historical romance hero, his open shirt fluttering away from his, uh, nonexistent abs, his three hairs blowing back in the wind....

And I'd say if Oprah's visiting in your lovely part of Canada, then it's likely cool up there. Oprah is no fool. *g*

Susan/Miranda, liking the idea of everyone else's central air.

[Cathy Leming]

I live in Yardley, Susan. It's soupy, though I don't mind it ... too much. My daughter's at camp, kayaking (Today she raced boys, and won!)

I have a pool with a big deck and two of those large free-flying umbrellas. I languish, and while languishing I read. I'm reading your book, which I won and you autographed. Barbara would have found a way to make this heat work for her. Alas, I'm a wilted flower.

[Jessica]

It's bloody hot here in Fredericksburg (about 50 miles south of DC). Temp of 104 with heat index of 110+. Ugh. This California girl is not used to it!

The pool in my apartment complex is not worth mentioning -- its deepest point is 4 feet -- and the A/C can't keep up.

But I'll be heading up your way, Jo, to Vancouver in a few weeks for a bit of vacation. And I admit, I'll enjoy the respite from the summer heat.

And until then, I'll survive :).

[Jane George]

Alice Hoffman has THE most beautiful, descriptive, and horrifying paragraph on August ever written in her novel Practical Magic.

My husband has this running joke that bad things happen in August. (Lady Diana's crash, his birthday.) So every August whenever we hear a terrible news story, he'll turn to me and say, "August."

[Jane George]

PS I'm dying of curiosity to know what Oprah took home from the Potlatch. Perhaps next month's O will show her with a wooden spoon as scepter. :-)

[maryjoputney]

Oh, boy, an excuse to complain about the heat! Since I live only about two hours from Susan Miranda, and maybe an hour from Susan/DC (and even closer to Susan Sarah :)), I'm in the same miserable heat wave.

And miserable as it is, it's not even setting any records! It seems as if it ought to be.

I'm lucky that my house has central a/c, but my office is on the upper floor, so it runs warmer than downstairs. All too easy to want to nap rather than write.

Global warming is really more fun during winter. :)

Mary Jo

[margaret]

I'm slaving away at my ms., while a couple of miles up the lake from me--as the duck flies or the loon swims--French President Sarkozy and his family are enjoying les vacances.

They're spending more time on and in the water than I am, and dining out more frequently. I'm trying not to be too jealous.

Weather in the Granite State is variable with a capital-V. Either in the high 80's or the low 70's. Either sunny or stormy. Either rain forest muggy or crisp as an autumn morn.

We've had enough rainfall to keep everything so lush and green, it looks more like June than August.

[shscott21]

Cathy wrote:
"I have a pool with a big deck and two of those large free-flying umbrellas. I languish, and while languishing I read. I'm reading your book, which I won and you autographed. Barbara would have found a way to make this heat work for her."

Hah, I'm sure Barbara WOULD have found a way -- but since it would likely have involved wearing lots of jewels and not much else, I don't think it's a viable suggestion for the rest of us.

I like all the pools and air conditioning, though MJP's suggestion of many naps is an excellent one, too. :)
Susan/Miranda

[Maggie Robinson]

I shouldn't even post. It's in the 60s in Maine this morning. I'm wearing a plush robe typing this. It will be partly sunny and perhaps in the high seventies later. I have no complaints. Of course, I will be whining in the winter when the snowplow guy hasn't come and I can't leave the house.

And yes,S/M, I work in a high school library where soon (the last week of August) my hands will cramp up from covering hundreds of new books and doing the scores of things required to put them on our shelves so the kids can lose them!

[Elaine McCarthy]

Amazing what a lively discussion can be sparked by mention of the weather!

You're right, Susan, it IS more humid here than the 50-something I recalled; dno't blame my humidity-reader, blame my memory. I emerged from the office at noon to hit the farmer's market down the street, and got a reading of 66%, temp. 90 F. It still felt nicer than yesterday! Maybe things will cool off and we can return to our normal programming.

[Edith]

(Hmm - is August getting even eith me? Hope this post gets through.)

I always hate August, and yet, for reasons I can't understand, nevertheless have some lovely memories of it. I think they are but heat-induced delusions. Because August means humidity and heat, heat rash and poison ivy, ticks with Lyme disease, stinging and biting insects, the deafening hatching of cicadas,and the nightly march of the giant slugs and snails.

So I stay in the house in the AC, and dream about clear lakes and green meadows: you know, literary August.

[shscott21]

Oh, Edith, I want to visit Literary August, too!!!!

Susan/Miranda, who is constitutionally way too pale (yet cranky, too) to withstand much more August like this.

[Sherrie Holmes]

Like Wench Jo, I live up here in the Pacific Northwest (I'm near Seattle). As she said, we had a record setting heat wave earlier this year, but it's been hovering in the 60s and 70s for the past 3 weeks. What happened to our summer? The problem is, after about a week my body adapts to the high temps (no AC for this gal--I work from home), and when you get a stretch of cool weather like we're having, I walk around hunched up and shivering.

I don't really need AC, as I'm surrounded by forest and my house stays cool. I open the sliders at opposite ends of the house and it's like a wind tunnel--sucks the hot air right out of the house.

Susan/Miranda, I Simpsonized myself and had a good laugh. Sometimes the Internet can be so fun. I've just ended a grueling 2 weeks of tight deadlines and I'm ready to play!

[HeatherB.]

It's just hot!!! School started back here (Georgia) on Wednesday and the temp was 106. Today it was 101 and tomorrow it's supposed to be 105. I don't remember it ever being this hot before. I can't wait for fall.

[RevMelinda]

Susan/Miranda, Harlot Marge is utterly brilliant--and even more so since you drew her yourself! Would you please do one of Homer as a Fabio romance cover? PUH-LEEZE? In exchange we could all promise to buy extra copies of Royal Harlot to give as gifts to all our friends. . .

About the weather--ours here in Portland is almost just like Sherrie's but maybe a little warmer. We had a spate of cool/hazy/drizzly and then the last two days have been spectacularly sunny and moderate (can't quote specific temps because I'm not a news watcher).